Might Just Die
by Miko Koizuma
Summary: A simple mistake has changed Michiko's life forever. A lowly cook her new life is terrifying and leaves her fighting for survival and the Kazekage certainly isn't helping. Michiko will have to adapt or she might just die. Rated M for possible dark themes and definite lemons in future chapters.
1. 1- Rage

Rage

Gaara was tired. As usual everything that could wrong, did. The council was breathing down his neck about some mundane matter, his village was suffering some kind of crisis, and of course, other villages wanted talks but only if Gaara could travel there. For weeks now he had spent days and nights on his feet, getting little rest and always on the go. He was glad that his brother and sister were around to help but their constant bickering only added to the headache.

He walked down the corridor thinking of the hot meal the kitchens were preparing for him, grateful for the short thirty minute break he had. He strolled into the dining room to find Kankuro and Temari already seated.

"Hey Gaara, glad you could finally make it one of these days," Kankuro smiled.

Gaara hummed in reply before taking his seat at the head of the table.

Temari looking slightly worried glanced at her youngest brother. "Maybe you should take some time off. Visit a hot spring, take a day for yourself."

"No, I must ensure the village is doing the best it can." Gaara rested his chin on his interlaced fingers. "Besides, I must leave for the Leaf village in the next month to talk with Naruto. He's been requesting my presence for some talks with the Tsuchikage about a rogue group of ninjas that have been terrorizing our lands. I want you two to come with me."

The two siblings nodded. Gaara sat as his siblings talked and closed his eyes as he waited for his food. He was roused by the sound of the door opening and his food placed in front of him. Desert hen with stuffing and steamed mixed greens with rice. The table quieted down as they ate, savoring the delicious food. Gaara took a bite of the stuffing and noticed candied chestnuts mixed in, one of his least favourite foods. Annoyed he ate around it. How hard was it for the servants to remember his likes and dislikes? They continued to eat and Gaara became irrationally angry. Temari and Kankuro noticed his increasing rage and decided to hurry and finish. Gaara put down his utensils and a servant cleared his plate while another brought the dessert.

Gaara slammed his fist on the table. "Bring me whoever made this. Now," he hissed. A servant scurried out of the room, presumably in search of the housekeeper, the woman in charge of all women servants and the kitchen. His anger built in an ugly fashion as he waited for the return of the servant.

The door burst open and the housekeeper, Sachiko Nakano stalked in dragging a young girl, screaming, by the hair behind her.

"My lord," she acknowledged, throwing the cook on the ground. The cook sprawled out face down before quickly gathering herself into a kneeling bow. She stayed like that as Gaara stood up and walked to her.

"Sit," he commanded, his voice barely above a whisper. The cook slowly sat up, visibly shaking in terror. She knew how unforgiving the Kazekage could be. Her white hair covered her face, messy after the violence of the housekeeper had pulled it out of its ponytail. He picked the plate up and dropped it in front of her. It shattered on the ground sending chips of porcelain and food flying in every direction and on to the cook.

"What is this filth?" The cook shuddered unable to speak.

"Look at me," he hissed, becoming more infuriated as the cook began to panic. She looked up from him from her knees, her breath ragged. Gaara squinted his eyes at her. She already had a blooming bruise across the left side of her face. The housekeeper must have already punished her on her way up.

Gaara looked around the room glancing at everyone. "Leave," he stated simply. He stared down at the girl again noticing her white knuckles as she crushed her other hand. The sound of chairs scraping against the floor greeted his ears and the room was silent as the door clicked shut.

"I will only ask one more time. What. Is. This. Filth?" enunciating every syllable.

The woman sobbed once before replying. "Yakon with chestnuts and pickled sakura petals, Lord Kazekage," she whispered.

Gaara gritted his teeth, the anger seeping into his voice, "How long have you worked here?"

"Two years, Lord Kazekage." She sobbed again, bringing her hand to her mouth in attempt to stifle the sob.

"In your two years here, did you ever learn what foods I've said to never put in my meals?" he felt the rage continuing to build. Normally he would let these things slide and leave the discipline to Sachiko as the housekeeper but with all the stress going on lately, this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Her eyes widened, realizing her mistake. A sobbed racked her whole body. She was going to die she realized. Over a mistake she should have already known not to make. Two years into her contract as a servant and she wasn't just going to have her contract extended, she was going to lose her life to the rage of the Kazekage.

"Yokan and marron glace." The tears broke forth and she sobbed uncontrollably.

Gaara sighed. "Quiet," he commanded, annoyed by her sad attempt to garner his sympathy, "Come here." He watched her stand and silently walk toward, attempting to choke back tears. "Look at me."

Her face slowly rose to look at him, and he froze her with his gaze. Her eyes were a bright startling blue, the shade of a glacier. Her hair hung long past her shoulders, falling to just below her chest.

"What is your name?" he inquired.

A tear slid down her cheek, "Michiko Hisakawa."

"Go find Sachiko. Tell her to take you to Jabari. Meet me in my office at 8." He whisked past her leaving her there, a sobbing mess.

* * *

I was in shock. I was alive and unpunished by the Kazekage. My body felt numb as I walked back towards the kitchens. There wasn't any reason I should still be here.

I arrived at the kitchens and found Sachiko who was at first surprised to see me again so soon but her surprise quickly turned into anger. She slapped me again before asking me what I was thinking. I repeated in a croak the same instructions the Kazekage had given me. Go to Jabari. Meet in his office at 8. The color had drained out of Sachiko's face. Recovering quickly she yelled at the rest of the staff to get back to work and grabbed my arm and pulling me out of the kitchens.

They arrived at a door and Sachiko knocked and looked at me. It was then I realized I hadn't gone unpunished. Who was Jabari? The prison warden? The Kazekage's head of torture? I started to panic again.

Sachiko looked at me again, tears forming in her eye, "I'm sorry child. If only I had been paying closer attention."

I started to sob even harder. This was the end. I was done for. If Sachiko was worried for me I had no chance. Sachiko was a strict housekeeper but had always tried to be fair. She was like everyone's crazy grandmother.

"Listen to me," she grabbed my chin, suddenly urgent, "When you meet with the Kazekage again, do whatever he tells you, no questions asked. If you listen and do what you're told, you might just live."

I nodded as she hugged me, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. We both jumped as the door opened and a tall, imposing man looked down at us leaning against the door frame. His chocolate brown eyes glared at us.

"Yes?" he spoke, "I do not enjoy being interrupted in the middle of my dinner."

Sachiko stood up a little bit straighter, "The Lord Kazekage wants this one in his office by 8."

Jabari stood up and smiled. "Well then come in. We'll get you taken care of."

I waited for Sachiko to enter but she pushed me in and didn't follow. Jabari put his hand on my lower back and ushered me inside. I looked back and saw Sachiko give a sad wave before the door clicked shut, separating me from everything I had ever known.

I started to cry again. Why me? Why couldn't I remember one small thing? Jabari looked down at me.

"What is your name, child?" He was smiling. I was definitely going to be tortured.

"Michiko." I had no will left. Only tears and fear of what would happen next.

"Michiko, huh?" He smirked, "It means beautiful, wise child right?"

I looked up at him, a bit surprised. "No actually. I mean yes, it does mean that but the origin of my name is 'Child of All'." We had made it passed the foyer and into a new room, one filled large mirrors, a tub, and a chair in front of a long basin. Stacks of makeup sat on a counter and various oils lined the tub and basin.

Jabari stopped and pushed me inside. I heard pulling the door closed behind me. "Undress and wash up. Use the purple bottle of soap," he smiled and he pulled his head the rest of the way through and latched the door. I was thoroughly confused.

I pulled off my simple servant outfit, stained with the food the Kazekage had dropped on me, and dropped it to the floor. Turning the knobs on the tub, I waited for it to heat up, my mind racing. What the hell was going on? I wasn't being tortured, I was being given a bath. I couldn't figure it out. I squeaked as I realized the tub was nearly full. I stepped in, not wanting to make Jabari wait. The water was near scalding. I pushed through the pain and sat down and started washing my hair. He seemed nice enough. He hadn't yelled at me or done anything to scare me. I moved on to washing my body, taking care to use the soap Jabari had mentioned. The scent of pomegranate and lemon verbena wafted to my nose. It was such a pleasant and relaxing scent. I finished washing and grabbed a fluffy white towel to dry myself. Unsure of what Jabari wanted, I wrapped myself in the towel, not wanting to put on the soiled clothes. Peeking out the door I saw Jabari, sitting outside, reading a book. He looked up at the noise.

"Perfect! Now let me come in darling." He grabbed a hanger that had been lying next to him and followed me inside. He hung the clothes up and motioned for me to sit in the chair by the basin. I sat and he tilted my head back.

I felt cool water start flowing past my ears, pulling my hair with it to the far end of the basin. Jabari dropped some warm oil on my hairline and started combing my hair out with the flow of the water.

"My, my," he mused, "Your hair is gorgeous. Is it natural?"

"Yes," I blushed at the compliment.

"Pretty hair for a pretty face!"

He laughed as my face burned. I started to relax as he brushed the tangles out. We chatted about idle things. The weather, Suna, and how he ended up here.

"My mother worked here for The Fourth," massaging the oil through my hair, "My family has been working in the spa for generations. All we know is pampering the Kazekage and council."

I hummed to acknowledge him. "What about you? How did you end up here?"

I froze slightly at the question, "I was on the streets and needed work. I don't have any family and it was this or prostitution. I decided giving 7 years of my life as an indentured servant was far better than being a street walker."

Jabari nodded, "A tough choice. Working for the Kazekage is a dangerous job but prostitution requires so much from you."

I hummed again not sure what to say. The Kazekage was terrifying. His immense power scared even his siblings.

Jabari finished in silence and had me sit up. He squeezed the water out of my hair and led me over to the mirrors. I sat in the chair and he began drying my hair.

"So how old are you darling?" He deftly worked his hands through my hair drying it.

"19," I replied. I heard him gasp. I looked at him quizzically.

"You're so young to be on your own. I can't believe you've had to make some of the choices you've had to."

"I've done what I had to to survive. Though it seems like my life might be over anyways."

He laughed, "What do you think is going to happen? He's going to kill you?" I nodded at him completely serious.

He chuckled much to my annoyance, "You'll be fine darling, I swear on my life."

I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant but he cut me off. Pointing the comb at me in the mirror he said, "Don't even think about it! The Lord Kazekage will tell you everything you need to know."

I clamped my mouth shut. Well then.

Jabari finished drying my hair and braided it into a simple plait down my back. He looked at me in the mirror.

"Hmmmmm, I think I'll leave you natural for now. You don't need much help." He offered me his hand and I stood. "Now, put this on and then we'll head up to the Kazekage's office." I visibly gulped. "Now, now," he chastised, "I said everything will be fine. Now tut, tut! It's almost 8!" and he scurried out the door.

I unwrapped the clothes he handed me. A simple white tunic and black belt with black leggings greeted my eyes. I quickly put it on and stepped outside to find Jabari.

"Marvelous! Now put these one and let's go!" he said handing me a pair of supple, soft black slippers. I stepped into them and we left his chambers. He led the way and my nerves came back. I started fiddling with the hem on my shirt when we stopped outside an ornate door. Jabari knocked and winked as he opened the door.

"Good luck!" he whispered and I stepped into the room and immediately bowed. The door closed and I heard a soft voice.

"Stand."

The command was simple but my heart started racing. I stood and stared at my master. The Kazekage was seated at his desk, giving me an intense stare.

"Come."

I walked forward, my breath quickening. I wasn't ready for this. I felt my eyes burn, the tears threatening to form. I stopped in front of his desk, my racing thoughts coming to a sudden stop.

He looked at me coolly from his chair, letting a quick sigh escape.

"What are we going to do with you?"

* * *

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh meeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhh Geeeeeeeeeeerd. I haven't written anything in years. I've had all these ideas but never put any effort into putting effort into them. I recently got back into Naruto and reading fanfic and quickly fell in love with Gaara all over again. This chapter is an even 2500 words not including the author's notes. I'll try and keep up to your expectations! Just as a warning, I'm not too terribly informed on Japanese culture and customs and whatnot so food items will either be some pretty obviously Japanese things or Korean things with a Japanese twist since I know a butt ton more about Korea than Japan. Please rate and review! Also the M rating comes from the fact there will be some dark-ish themes and lemons in the future. I actually have two plots I want to work so I may end up splitting the story later and taking one plot and making it a set of chapters and the other a different set. ANYWHO, enough rambling and enjoy!

Edit: I really should proof read these things better. fixed some missing words and such.


	2. 2- Misery

Misery

"What are we going to do with you?"

Gaara eyed the girl in front of him. She was different that was for sure. Her cream colored skin and stark white hair was obviously not from any desert region. Her pale, shockingly blue eyes pegged her as a northerner, someone from the coldest areas on the continent. He cast his thoughts aside and walked up to her. He brought his hand up to grab her chin and she flinched away. Growling, he grabbed her face and pulled it to look at his. The fear was evident in her icy eyes and sweat beaded on her brow.

"Did Sachiko do this?" he asked quietly, referring to the large bruise by her eye. It had already covered her eye and upper cheek.

She hesitated before shakily answering, "No my lord. I-It was another one of the cooks."

He raised his eyebrow at her, wanting further explanation.

"They were angry that I had caused trouble," her voice started to smooth out, "They know that one's mistakes can cause the whole group to be punished."

That ticked him off. Was he really that cruel in their eyes?

"Well does that not make sense?"

Her eyes widened, realizing her mistake. She had just criticized the Kazekage's punishments. "Of course my lord!" she recovered, "I wish only to apologize and take full responsibility for the problem."

"Do you not work as a team in the kitchens? Shouldn't have someone else caught it?" he waited for her answer for what felt like an eternity. She was probably thinking of some lie to spare herself and the staff.

"We do work as a team but it was fully my mistake. I plan the menus and didn't listen to the rest of the staff."

Gaara was surprised. She had thrown only herself under the bus. Admirable. "Well then we will have to decide your punishment."

The fear came back and she gulped at his words. He felt the pulse in her neck quicken and he dropped his hand, walking to the window.

"As my lord wishes."

"You are removed from kitchen duty."

"Yes my lord."

"How long have you been here?"

"Two years my lord"

"And the length of your contract?"

"7 years my lord."

He turned to look at her. That was an abnormally long contract for an indentured servant. Typically it was only for three to four years. The program was in place to help families in need after the war but she seemed to making a career out of it.

"Why so long?" She suddenly had piqued his interest.

"I…," she started, "I'm an orphan. By the time I found my way to Suna I didn't have any experience for a job that paid well. It was either this or s-sell myself…on the streets." She looked down, embarrassed by the revelation.

Gaara understood. Being a servant provided them with a shared room and consistent meals. Prostitutes made high money but could never find a respectable job afterwards and were forced to live in unsafe conditions.

"I regret that you've had a hard life but that does not excuse you from punishment." She nodded, accepting her fate.

"Come."

Her heart fluttered at his simple command and turned to follow him out of the room. Gaara was quiet as he led her deeper into the Kazekage's home.

"Remember this."

"Yes my lord."

They walked in silence, Michiko memorizing each turn they took. They came upon a door at the end of a hall, guarded by two ninja. They entered the room and Michiko's cheeks burned. They were in the Kazekage's private quarters. He turned to face her.

"You will be my personal servant from now on." Her eyes widened. "Do not think this a blessing. You will be constantly watched and criticized by both me and everyone else. Understood?"

"Yes my lord."

"Good. Now run me a bath."

She nodded and scurried past him to turn on the bath. She knelt by the tub, terrified. In the kitchens she had had it relatively easy. As long as she didn't mess up she could go home and not worry about being punished. Now she was to be beside the Kazekage all day and even possibly at night. She shuddered at the thought. She had heard rumors about nobles who kept personal servants. They did everything for their master. They ironed, prepared refreshments during meetings, ran errands, and some were even considered escorts by their masters. Michiko's heart slammed into her throat. She hoped that Gaara wouldn't force her to go that far. She could always break her contract but that would mean huge amounts of fines she'd never be able to pay and even worse, possible death.

She shook her head to clear the thought and stood to inform the Kazekage his bath was ready. Michiko turned to leave and nearly jumped out of her skin. The Kazekage stood behind, watching her fill the tub.

"Y-your bath is ready my lord."

He nodded and she carefully stepped around him to leave. She jerked around as he pulled her arm, forcing her to turn and face him. She stared wide eyed, her heart slamming against her ribs.

"Find a medic and get your face healed." She acknowledged him with a nod. "And I release you for today. Be here tomorrow morning at six." She nodded again and he released her arm. She struggled to remain composed and walk across the room. She opened the door to the hall and turned in time to see the bathroom door close. She all but sprinted down the hall and to the infirmary.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

I couldn't calm down. After having my face healed I wandered the passages of the Kazekage's home in an attempt to be freed from this soul shattering terror. I knew I was stronger than this, after everything I had been through but something about the Kazekage tore every bit of my confidence to shreds. I came to the door I recognized as the room I shared with three of the other servants. It creaked open and I stepped inside and realized no one else was here. They must have night duties tonight. I slumped against the door and slid down until I was sitting.

This was so surreal. I had enjoyed my work and life as a cook. I liked my fellow servants and enjoyed seeing the fruits of my labor used. It was the first time I had been useful in years and I blew it. Sobs wracked my body and tears fell down my cheeks. The coldness of the floor sucked the heat out of me as I cried and cried, wishing that this were a nightmare. I cried for all the things I had never cried for before: the loss of my parents, the hard journey to Suna, not having a childhood. I didn't know how much more I could take. I sat there crying until I could cry no more and crawled into my bed, exhausted. I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. I wallowed in my depression until sleep took me.

The bright sun shone through the high windows on the wall. Our room was half underground so we had little natural light. I had trouble opening my eyes; they were crusted shut from the tears I cried yesterday. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. My roommates were still asleep after a long night of chores. I quietly shrugged out of my tunic and leggings and put them in the wash. Opening my small chest I found all of my old kitchen clothes gone and replaced with replicas of the same outfit I had been wearing. I sighed, realizing that there was no way that it had all been a nightmare. Pulling on another tunic and leggings I checked the clock. 5:30. I still had time to get some breakfast before waking the Kazekage. I scurried off to the kitchen and ate far more than I had intended. Only a scullery maid greeted me as I ate my cold breakfast of bread and cheese. I was ravenous. It occurred to me I hadn't eaten since yesterday at lunch.

Walking upstairs I realized I was still early to wake the Kazekage. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet waiting for the time to pass. With each passing second my heartbeat sped up more and more. My head was trying to wrap around the idea of personally interacting with the Kazekage again. I checked the clock again and jumped. 5:59. Shit.

I hurried down the hallway and the two guards barely glanced at me as I walked past. I slowly opened the door and found the room dark. I stepped inside and let the door latch, trying to let my eyes adjust to the darkness.

'Breathe in.'

'Breathe out.'

Feeling as ready as I ever could be I walked across the room, to the Kazekage's bed. I found him lying on his back, peacefully breathing. I stood there shocked. His face was beautiful. Everyone knew he was a good looking man but sleep wiped him of his terrifying scowl and intense glare.

I shook my head and softly spoke, "Lord Kazekage, its morning."

He continued sleeping, his breaths soft and even. I tried again, my voice a bit louder this time and I reached out to shake him awake.

"Lord Kazekage," I repeated, trying the shake him awake, "You asked me to wake yo-"

I was cut off by a hand suddenly grabbing me.

* * *

Gaara felt a hand gently caress his shoulder. He instinctively grasped it, and let his eyes slide open. Michiko stood over him, her face frozen in a shocked expression.

"Do not touch me unless I tell you to," he growled at her.

Her mouth open and closed a few time, unable to form words. "I-I-I apologize my lord. It is 6 as you asked."

He released her wrist and sat up and slid out of bed. Michiko backed up and bowed. As she straightened she realized he was shirtless and turned her head, blushing at the sight. Gaara snorted a small puff of air out his nose. She was easily embarrassed wasn't she?

He walked to the bathroom and turned to look at her one more time, "Bring me my tea and breakfast."

"Yes Kazekage." She turned and hurried out of the room, thankful for the chore. Gaara completed his morning routine and was just finishing getting dressed when a faint knock at the door echoed in the quiet room.

"Come in," he commanded coldly. Michiko stepped in carrying a tray laden with tea and food. She sat it at his personal desk and unloaded it. She stepped back and held the tray as he sat. He ate in silence and such the beginning of a routine was born.

Weeks passed and Michiko was getting the hang of the ins and outs of the Kazekage's schedule. Every morning wake up and get his breakfast followed by meetings and planning. Lunch was then retrieved and brought to his office where she stood waiting for any possible errands. She was learning the entire layout of the building and the higher working people who collaborated with the Kazekage. After more meetings and paperwork she followed him down to the dining hall and waited as he ate with his siblings. She was then allowed to eat her dinner immediately following before returning to the office for last minute chores. After his work was finished for the day they left for his chambers where she prepared evening tea and his bath before heading back to her own room for the night.

In her time serving him they rarely talked outside of commands and corrections to her behavior. Her favorite days were when she got to explore Suna on errands.

Today was no different than any other day. Michiko was waiting for the Kazekage to finish his lunch when he spoke her interrupted her thoughts.

"Michiko, join me for lunch." He looked pointedly down at the chair next to the desk.

Startled she set the tray down and quietly sat.

"Eat," he coolly commanded, gesturing to the bowl of rice and vegetables.

"I do not wish to take from your meal my lord."

He stopped eating to stare at her, waiting for her to realize she had just disregarded a command from him.

She froze as his gaze sliced through her. She immediately picked up the bowl and chopsticks and began to eat, taking small bites. Gaara resumed eating. They sat in silence until he looked at her.

"Where are you from Michiko?" His voice was terrifyingly quiet.

She put her chopsticks down and refused to look at him. "I-I was born to a caravan of traders. I was a bastard child. I d-didn't know my family."

"I see." She took a few more bites. Gaara could see her fidgeting in her seat.

"My lord….." she started.

Gaara looked up at her, slightly surprised that she was initiating a conversation.

"Yes?" His voice was curt.

Visibly startled she started, "I, uh, I was wondering….w-what about your family?"

His brows furrowed together. "Dead."

"I-I-I…..I'm sorry."

"Hm," was all she got in response. He continued to stare at her and watched as her cheeks burned red under his gaze. Clearly she didn't enjoy revealing herself to him as much as he didn't enjoy discussing his past. He began eating again, knowing he wouldn't get much out of her, and she followed his lead. They finished their lunch and she carried the dishes away. As soon as she was out of his office and down the hall she breathed a huge sigh of relief. The change of schedule alone had shaken her up but the following questions even more so.

She returned and the day continued as she had hoped, without any change of plans. That night she was lying in bed, thinking about what had transpired at lunch. Her heart raced thanking about the Kazekage. He had seemed genuinely interested in her life and she had shut down. But she couldn't help but feel weary.

Michiko dragged her hands down her face. One thought ran through her head.

' _Liar.'_

The next weeks passed quickly. More often than not she ate lunch with him every day at his request and occasionally dinner as well. Their meals were similar to the first, a few questions before returning to eating. The two learned small bits of information about each other. He knew her age and roommates names. She knew about his siblings and life as Kazekage. It was strange to see an intimate side of Gaara.

Occasionally they were joined by Temari and Kankuro. It was strange, they treated her more like a friend than a servant. Temari even spent some evenings with her in the gardens. The days flew by, Michiko finding herself enjoying her work.

Today was no exception. The day passed quickly, her mind enjoying the work. Gaara looked up from his work and saw her slight smile as she stood beside him.

'She's calming down,' he thought to himself. A smile graced his lips before swiftly disappearing.

The day continued without event and it wasn't long until she was following him to his chambers. She immediately left to start his bath.

She was preparing his evening tea when he stepped out of the bathroom in his pajamas. She let him sit and she stood by the door and waited for his dismissal.

"Michiko."

She smiled slightly to herself knowing she was about to be off duty.

"You will stay here tonight."

* * *

Welp that's the second chapter. Nothing too important really. Gotta do dat character development yo. Anyways rate and review and whatnot. Thanks for the reviews from the first chapter! I was sitting here giddy all night the first night after I published watching the number of people who viewed climb. It's really exciting and also incredibly terrifying knowing people are looking at your shit. Ya'll are so friggin' wonderful.


	3. 3- Change

Change

"You will stay here tonight."

The tray clattered to the floor. Maybe I had misheard him. I started to bend down to pick up the tray, the blood in my ears pounding. My breaths were coming faster and faster and my heart rate went through the roof. I stood shakily, my knees threatening to give under the pressure.

"Michiko."

This time I did drop. I fell to my knees, tears in my eyes. I couldn't will myself to stand as my semi-happy and regular world shattered around me. I barely registered the sound of a chair scooting across the floor and the soft padding of bare feet. Before I knew it I found a hand outstretched in front of my face. I put my hand in it blindly and was pulled to my feet. I found myself staring into the blue-green eyes of the Kazekage. His hand burned in mine before he lightly dropped it.

"Michiko," he repeated. I blinked acknowledging I had heard.

"Take a bath and get ready for bed."

I nodded and slowly walked to the bathroom. I knew that the Kazekage had a temper but I hadn't pegged him for something like this. I closed the door and breathed out. I couldn't believe this was happening. I noticed a pair of pajama pants similar to the Kazekage's and a plain cotton shirt sitting on the counter.

'Those must be for me,' I thought, shuddering as well.

I started the bath and stepped into the scalding water, sitting there dazed. My mind was racing. How could I get out of this? I shook and started to cry.

'No,' I thought to myself, 'Crying will not solve this.'

I sniffed and considered drowning myself. That wasn't the answer either.

* * *

I sighed as I bent down to pick up the tray Michiko had dropped. Her reaction was less than ideal. Did she really think of me as a monster? She wouldn't be the first.

I cleared the dishes from tea and set them outside for another servant to pick up before crawling into bed to wait for her and began reading.

After a bit Michiko emerged wearing the clothes I had left for her. Her hair was braided again and she looked uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot waiting for an order.

I wanted to be anywhere but here. Gaara looked at me as I emerged from the bathroom. I stood there, unsure of what to do. He motioned to the other side of the bed and continued reading. I walked over silently praying he would be gentle. I slid under the covers, my heart trying to break out through my ribs.

"Take your hair out of your braid."

I gulped and tugged on the elastic, pulling my wet braid apart, brushing out the kinks in my hair.

Gaara made sure I was settled in before setting his book down and turning off the lights. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the bed move waiting to feel him on me. As nothing came I opened them again. I turned my head to find myself looking at the back of his auburn hair.

"Sleep," he murmured. In an instant I fell into a deep sleep, succumbing to the havoc the fear had wrecked on my body.

* * *

I woke to the brightness of the dawning sun peeking through the curtains and the sound of rustling clothes. After adjusting to the brightness I focused on Gaara's back as he bent over putting on his sandals. He stood and brushed out his clothes. A yawn broke through my lips alerting him to my awakedness.

A yawn broke the silence of my morning routine. I turned to look at the woman and was stunned. Her hair fanned out around her, her eyes half closed with heavy lidded sleepiness of just waking. She yawned again and her body tensed, her face grimacing as her mind struggled to wake. She was so completely foreign to me; never had I encountered someone like this.

I watched her sit up and rub the tiredness from her eyes. She stood and bowed, her shirt hanging off her shoulder.

"I have an important meeting today. You will have the day off. Spend it how you like." She nodded and I left her standing there.

* * *

I stood there confused. A day off? A foreign word to a servant's vocabulary. I was actually a bit crestfallen that I wouldn't get to spend the day with him but I quickly recovered realizing I had a whole day to myself. I got dressed in my regular clothes and walked down to the kitchens a bit more perky than usual.

Upon my arrival I found my old team of cooks happily singing while they worked. Joining in they started laughing and hugging me in greeting. Before long I was being bombarded with questions.

"Is he as scary as he seems?"

"Do you hate it?"

"Can you come back to the kitchens?"

"You get days OFF?!"

I joked and laughed with the team like old times. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. Turning I found Kai, the cook had punched me the day I ruined the Kazekage's dinner, standing there. He bowed deeply.

"Please forgive me for hurting you. It wasn't fair of me."

Everyone in the room fell silent before I smiled told him to stand up. "Don't worry. I probably would have done the same thing." We laughed and gave each other a bone crushing hug.

We stayed like that for hours, just joking and laughing, with me helping out where I could. I eventually said my farewells after being as stuffed as I possibly could be. On my way to my room I ran into Temari.

"Michiko! I was actually just looking for you!"

I smiled and gave her a low bow in greeting. "Temari-sama, how may I be of use to you?"

"Oh lay off those honorifics," she threw her arm around my neck and pulled me back down the hallway, "We have so much to do today. We're gonna go shopping. Let's grab Kankuro and head out before Gaara realizes we've kidnapped you."

I laughed and let her pull me along.

The day was surprisingly cool for a summer day in the desert. The three of us laughed and walked among the stalls and shops. Kankuro insisted on buying everything even though I offered to pay on my meager servant's salary.

We ate at a small tea shop and looked for clothes. Kankuro went over board and made me buy a beautiful blue-green sundress I had been eyeing in one of the shop windows as well as some other basic clothes, more tailored to my style than the tunics I wore everyday. I sighed trying to figure out how long it would take me to repay him. Doing the math I realized it would literally be forever on my wages.

I was looking into the shop windows when a bookstore caught my eye. Pausing, the other two kept walking before Temari caught me staring.

"Wanna go in?" she asked, her eyebrow raised in a bemused smile.

I nodded my head vigorously and we stepped into the store. Never before had I seen so many books. I was in awe at the endless choices. The two spent hours with me as I perused the multitude of books, the stack I was collecting growing taller until it threatened to fall over.

When I finally decided I had enough I counted up the books. 17. I definitely could not afford all of them. It pained me to reduce the number. 8. I could do that. Maybe. I decided to go for it. I bought them and added them to the other bags in my hands.

"Trying to start a library?" Kankuro joked.

I shook my head smiling. "The kitchen staff doesn't get to go out very often. We wake up and start working before the shops open and finish after they close. I haven't had a new book in years."

The other two looked a bit awkward. They could go out whenever as long as they weren't on a mission.

"Ugh, my feet hurt," Temari huffed, breaking the awkward silence, "Let's go back."

We headed made our way back towards the Kazekage's building. I said my goodbyes to the two siblings and put my new belongings in my room. I made sure to hide the books under my mattress so my roommates wouldn't be tempted to "borrow" them. Satisfied, I returned to the Kazekage's quarters to make sure he didn't need anything.

I was still smiling happily after my excursion as I approached the Kazekage's door. I knocked softly on the door and was greeted by Gaara.

Looking down at me, he stepped back to let me into the room.

Turning to face him I bowed. "I was wondering if there was anything I could do for you my lord." My heart fluttered excitedly after not seeing him all day.

"Did you enjoy your day off?" was all he said in return.

I nodded still smiling, "Yes my lord. Your sister and brother were wonderful hosts."

"Good." His lip tugged up slightly at one corner before he sighed and turned around, heading back to his desk. "Could you run a bath for me?" His voice was tense with worry and stress.

"Of course my lord." I scurried off to the bathroom. I went through my usual routine of warming the water and adding his favorite oil to the water when it hit me. That wasn't a command. He'd _asked_ me to run him a bath. The world was ending. I was enjoying my work, I was becoming friends with the Kazekage's siblings, and the Kazekage himself was treating me as an equal. None of it made sense.

I shook my head to get the silly thoughts out. I informed him his bath was ready. He brushed past me and I left to get his tea. I returned to find him already at his desk. As I finished putting the tea in front of him he grabbed my wrist.

Adrenaline shot through my veins and my heart rate picked up.

"Stay." Was all he said before dropping my wrist. Something inside me broke hearing the pain in his voice. I nodded even though he wasn't looking, understanding his request. And this time, I _wanted_ to stay.

* * *

The days passed and each night I spent with the Kazekage was the same as the first; we both got ready for bed and fell asleep. It was oddly comforting to wake up next to someone every morning. My things were eventually moved from my room and into a spare wardrobe. Some of the other servants whispered, calling me shameful names but I knew the truth and they dare not let the Kazekage hear. Last night had been no different. Today the Kazekage woke before me again.

"Michiko." His voice pulled me from my dreams. I scrambled to stand and bow for him.

"Yes my lord." I croaked, still half asleep. I was positive I looked a frumpy mess.

"I need you to attend the council meeting with me today."

I nodded. His request wasn't any different than the others he had ordered.

"This is different. You need to be on top of it. Pay attention to everything." His gaze was scarily serious. I straightened up a bit and nodded again.

"The council is going to be on edge today," he looked up over, "You need to look the part of my personal servant. There are clothes for you in the closet." I nodded a final time and he left, leaving me to get ready.

Yawning, I tugged the cover off the clothes and was greeted by a skirt and jacket in the same cut and color as the Kazekage's. Accompanying it was a white blouse with black tie and black flats. I put the outfit on and was surprised at how well it fit. The blouse was fitted to my curves. The skirt curved with my butt and stopped just before my knees. I shrugged the jacket on and buttoned it up. The collar of the blouse and tie peaked right above the closed collar of the jacket. The jackets cut emphasized my thin waist and off-center buttons gave off a militaristic and put together look. I smirked. I looked good.

I decided to braid my hair but instead of my normal plait I started a French braid on my right forehead, braiding around the side of my head and then the back of my head so the plait lay on the right side of my neck. My snow white hair stood out in bright contrast to the crimson jacket. I smiled and went in search of breakfast.

Gaara sighed. He hated these meetings with the council. All they did was endlessly bicker. He wished it could be over all ready but the morning kept dragging along. His thoughts turned to Michiko. She seemed much more at ease around him lately. It was strange to not have her standing at his back. Days where she was running his errands were his least favorite. They didn't speak much but her presence was still welcome. It was better than being alone like he had for the years before.

His thoughts were interrupted when Kankuro stuck his head into the office.

"Time to go, bro," he smiled. Gaara could see Temari standing in the hall behind him also not looking too pleased to have to attend.

He stood and followed them out of the office. As they approached the council room the steady murmur of voices greeted their ears. As Gaara stepped inside, flanked by his siblings the entire council stood and bowed. He acknowledged all of them with a slight nod of the head. His eyes paused in the back of the room by his chair.

Michiko stood with rapt attention, her entire focus on him. Her eyes pierced through him, like she was staring into his soul. The outfit he had laid out for her brought every fine detail about her into great focus. The deep crimson made her eyes and hair stand out like bright stars. The cut of the jacket and skirt highlighted the curves of her body. He smirked. He had chosen well. Every councilman in the room stared at her as well.

Gaara walked towards her and gave her a brief nod before sitting down. Michiko stood unmoving at his right shoulder and Temari and Kankuro flanked them. The Kazekage was already imposing but his group made it clear who had the real power in the room. They could pass for a high ranking military squad.

Hours had passed and they took a lunch break. Gaara looked at Michiko who had stood unmoving the entire time. Even Temari and Kankuro had found seats for themselves. She glanced at him and understood his unspoken order. She walked around the table and out the door. In a few minutes she led in other servants who brought food and drink for the council. As they ate Gaara noticed one of the seniors staring at Michiko. Senior Kuro's eyes hadn't left her the entire time. Gaara shifted in his chair, uncomfortable by the man's staring.

As he began to correct Kuro, Michiko's head snapped to face the senior. Her stare was intense; as cold and unforgiving as the glaciers that matched the color. Senior Kuro quickly looked away and avoided eye contact for the duration of the meeting. It seemed only Gaara had noticed.

The meeting resumed after Michiko had cleared the dishes and ushered the other servants out. Returning to her spot, Gaara began speaking in his cold, raspy voice.

"It is known that Temari, Kankuro, and I will have to leave for the Land of Fire within the next few days." Gaara saw Michiko stiffen next to him. He ignored it and continued. "It is unknown how long we will be there. It may take anywhere from a few days to over a month. In any case, we must appoint someone to make decisions in my absence. Normally I would leave Temari and Kankuro in charge but they are coming with me."

The council nodded in agreement. A member proposed a vote. The council did a blind vote and Gaara tallied the votes.

"Councilman Kuro, will you agree to leading the village in the right direction in my absence?"

The older man stood up and bowed, "If that is yours and the councils wish then it would be my pleasure."

Gaara nodded and declared the meeting over. The council members milled about, talking in small clusters.

The Kazekage and his group to and left the room, heading back to his personal office.

"God that was boring," Kankuro complained, slumping down into a chair.

Temari gracefully sat on the opposite side of the room. "You ok Miko? You look like you're about to collapse." The two had become much closer since she started working personally for Gaara. Kankuro had also attempted to get closer but in a much different way. Currently they were doing the best impression of the Sasuke and Sakura relationship from Gaara's past with the exception that Michiko was Sasuke and Kankuro was Sakura.

Michiko smiled at Temari, "I'm fine," she replied quietly. Gaara could hear the strain in her voice.

"Sit." The command was simple but Michiko was thankful for it. She took a seat next to the Kazekage.

"Now, we need to discuss our plans for meeting with the Hokage."

Michiko looked from person to person as they spoke. She wasn't too terribly interested in what they talked about; she was still focusing on the fact the three of them were leaving in the next couple of days. She had known it was coming but was still uneasy, especially after the council meeting. Something about Councilman Kuro nagged at her. She glanced at Gaara with his chin resting on interlaced fingers. She hoped he would return safely.

It was late in the evening by the time Gaara and Michiko made it back to his room. Michiko immediately left to run a bath. On her return Gaara stared at her. She froze and stared back.

"Is Miko your nickname?" he asked so quietly, it was almost a whisper.

"Yes," she barely breathed. She felt a warmth gather in the pit of her stomach and her cheeks flush with color.

"I see." He continued to stare at her. His eyes were drawn to her slim waist and long legs. He looked back up to her face. "That outfit suits you."

She forgot how to breathe. Gaara had not only asked her a personal question two days in a row but also complimented her.

"You're too kind…..my lord." She dropped her gaze to the floor. He slipped past her and into the bathroom.

* * *

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

'What is wrong with me?' I wondered. The man that once used to terrify me was now making me blush in embarrassment. Shaking my head I headed out to the kitchen to fetch tea. By the time I returned Gaara was already done bathing and sitting at his desk. I set the tea down for him and walked to the bathroom to also wash up for bed.

I sat in the tub and washed away the sweat and grime that had accumulated on me during the hot meeting. I sat there pondering the idea of whether or not the Sand siblings were my friends. Temari always asked about work and invited me to dinner with her. Kankuro was always inviting me to go explore the village with him. That had been pretty weird. Even more so I felt like I knew Gaara on a much more intimate level than most. I quickly squashed that though. It was assured we would never ben more than master and servant.

I finished and stood to dry myself. Drying my face I walked over to the bathroom counter blind and reached down to grab my shirt. I only felt the cold marble. Lowering the towel I looked down to actually grab it. Nothing. After five seconds it hit me; I hadn't grabbed my pajamas.

I started to panic. I couldn't wear my dirty clothes to get a pair because I had already sent them down the laundry chute. Pinching the bridge of my nose I tried my hardest not to cry. Asking my master for a favor was out of the question. I wrapped my towel around myself and leaned against the sink.

'Think Michiko, think.'

But no matter how hard I thought there was nothing I could do. It took me approximately five minutes to muster up the courage to open the door.

"Lord Kazekage?" It came out as a whisper.

"Hmm?" was the only reply I got.

"I uh, know this is inappropriate but could you grab me some clothes? I wasn't thinking and just walked into the bathro-," I stopped as he turned to look at me from his desk. I froze as he looked me up and down and took in the full sight of me wrapped in a towel before standing and walking to his dresser. He slowly padded over to the door and pulled it open more the hand me the clothes.

What he hadn't realized was I was still leaning on the handle and him opening the door made me lose my balance. I slid on the wet tile. I closed my eyes, ready for the hard fall but it never came. Opening my eyes I found myself staring at Gaara's chin. His arms held me close to his bare chest. I looked up at him, terrified to see his anger.

My eyes met his and I stopped breathing. He was staring down not angry, but with concern and worry. I stood there speechless. His arms were so warm.

"Are you alright?"

His voice startled me out of my trance.

"I-…Uh…" I couldn't finish my sentence, instead standing there like a sputtering fool. My heart was slamming into my chest at a rapid pace. We stood there, staring at each other.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, barely able to speak. I felt his arm slide up my back and cross the boundary from towel to skin before holding the back of my head. I was suddenly aware that I was only in a towel and even more so that I couldn't move. My body was frozen and my ears were ringing. I watched him lean forward and felt him press him lips against my forehead.

Before I could register what had happened he lowered his arms and grabbed the clothes he had dropped on the floor. Dazed, I took a step back into the bathroom as he pushed them into my arms. He closed the door and left me standing there staring at nothing. I dropped my towel and put on the pajamas. My head still couldn't process what had happened. What had taken seconds felt like hours. I could still feel the warmth on my back and head from his arms and on my chest where our bodies had touched.

Walking out of the bathroom, I found the lights already off. I stumbled my way to my side of the bed and climbed in feeling feverish. I wasn't quite sure if I had already started dreaming or not. Restless I rolled over and tried to sleep, only succumbing late into the night.

* * *

WELP. I didn't really want to stop there but I was getting tired, since it was like, 5 in the morning. I'm not doing too hot on this whole 'normal' sleep schedule. It's extremely difficult to keep your perspectives straight when you're falling asleep while writing. Just a warning I'm going to be out of town for the next two months stuck at a field research camp in the middle of nowhere. With no laptop. I can feel myself going insane now. I will however be able to take a tablet so I'll try and jack a friends Bluetooth keyboard and write a bit while I'm there. Follow for more action! Review for better quality action. Thanks!


	4. 4- Growth

My body was on fire.

My skin burned, flush with heat. My heart thudded in my chest. Never before had I felt like this. Such an ethereal feeling. What was it?

I stared into the darkness, my mind playing the last few minutes over and over again. The warmth of our bodies touching, the content silence. Now I wanted anything but silence. I felt the bed move; Miko was shifting restless next me. I couldn't blame her. I wanted nothing more than to get up and walk. My body was in shock, overloaded by feeling. I shuddered thinking about feeling the smooth skin of her back, and her wet hair tangled around my fingers. When had I grown so bold? It was like my body had a mind of its own.

It wasn't until nearly morning that I heard Miko's breathing even out, indicating she was asleep. As much as I wish I could join her, I couldn't. The very thought of her brought back every sensory detail. The way her supple skin warmed my fingers, the smell of my favorite pomegranate lemon verbena shampoo in her hair, and the way her full lips parted in surprise. I couldn't take it anymore.

I got out of bed and padded across the room, gently opening the door. The guards look surprised to find me up before dawn but said nothing as I strode down the hallway. I found myself standing in a courtyard with a fountain and gardens. They weren't typical gardens but desert gardens, filled with cacti and flowering desert plants and beautiful in their own way. I sighed, my mind wandering towards Miko again. Part of me wished I hadn't kissed her. Things would be different no matter how hard she tried to hide it. She would shun me and be scared like before.

These feelings were new to me. I was anxious and sick to my stomach. I couldn't comprehend my feelings; I couldn't identify what it was. Sitting on the edge of the fountain, I watched the desert sun rise over the edge of the courtyard, filling the sky his intense reds, pinks, and oranges when it hit me. These feelings were something I had only ever heard about. Affection, tenderness, and attachment. Things I had felt once, and was already addicted to.

* * *

I entered my room silently and stood watching the woman in my bed sleep. Her chest rose and fell in steady breaths and her eyes flickered under her lids as she dreamed. I let her sleep as I readied myself for the day. She would be of no use to me exhausted.

Hours passed and I sat at my office desk writing a letter to the sixth Hokage, Naruto, to inform him of my arrival in the next few days. I scribbled the words absent mindedly when a soft knock came from the door.

"Come in."

Miko walked in carrying the usual tray of tea and lunch. When she looked at me her cheeks reddened and I felt my own warm.

"I have your lunch, my lord," as she stepped forward to place in front of me. I was intensely aware of how close she was as her arm passed in front of me.

"Thank you," I said acknowledging her bow as she finished. She took her customary seat and fiddled with her long braid. I wanted to talk to her about last night but couldn't bring myself to say anything. Maybe she wanted to forget about it. Her fidgeting was out of place and spoke of how uncomfortable she felt.

We ate in silence. It tore me apart. I wanted to talk to her about last night, about anything. I opened my mouth but was cut off by her.

"Lord Kazekage?" she asked tentatively. My heart stopped.

"Yes?" I breathed. I was caught off guard by her forwardness.

"I…." she struggled to form words, "I…last night…I"

I starred too terrified to hear what she was going to say. I felt like I was going to die, that my heart would beat right out of my chest.

"I….Thank you," was all she said. I sat there confused. Thank you? Why was she thanking me?

She started again taking my silence as anger.

"I just, I-I….for the clothes my lord. I never thanked you."

I put my chopsticks down and rested my hand on the table. It felt like a hole had been punched through my chest. What is this feeling? Disappointment? So that was all? I nodded acknowledging I had heard. We sat like that for a while, me staring at the desk and her fiddling with her braid.

Warmth covered my hand. Startled I looked up. Her soft hand covered mine and she tentatively looked up at me.

* * *

My heart was slamming into my throat, threatening to tear me up from the inside out. I had never touched the Kazekage without his permission before. After last night though I had wanted to do nothing else. I dreamt of sitting in a garden next to him with his arm around me. I was frightened he would be angry, that I had gone too far.

The moments dragged by my breathing coming in short breaths of anticipation. I began to apologize and pull my hand away when the corner of his lip tugged up. I breathed a sigh of relief. He flipped his hand over to hold mine. We sat there for minutes just staring at each other, holding hands. It was even more exhilarating than his kiss last night.

We were shocked from our revelry when the door opened and Kankuro strode in.

"Hey bro, we need to discu-" he stopped short as we quickly dropped hands. I began to fiddle with my braid again, cheeks burning. "-ss travel plans."

Gaara nodded and stood to walk with his brother. They started to leave before Gaara turned and gave me a quick smile and nod. My heart fluttered.

* * *

I sat on the edge of the bed, flipping through one of my books. My pulse raced as the time drew near to go to bed. I knew the Kazekage would return but I wasn't so sure about our routine. The previous night's memories still raced through my mind and they made me shift restlessly. I stared down at the book, one Kankuro had bought me, but I couldn't focus on the text. I managed to read the same line 47 times before I heard the door creak open. My heart stopped and my head became a blackhole, sucking any possible thought out of existence. I sat in silence, the book still in my hands with no words between us.

The silence was deafening when Gaara spoke.

"Miko, will you run me a bath?"

My body became numb, the book turning to lead in my hands. The loud thump as it hit the floor jolted me back to my senses. I stood and turned towards Gaara, my head bowed to the floor.

"Yes… my lord."

I shuffled past him not daring to look into his cool mint eyes. On autopilot, I ran the bath, pouring the correct oils and making sure the temperature was balanced. I couldn't quite pace this feeling. Was it sadness? Disappointment? Did the Kazekage make a mistake last night? In my daze, my wrist caught on the neck of the bath oil, dumping its contents into the water. I sighed; I'd have to rerun the bath and make Gaara wait longer. I rubbed my eyes and looked down at the problem instigator.

On my wrist, a cuff of copper metal encircled my limb, padded by dark brown leather. The metal working showed 4 marigold blooms, 3 sunflowers, and 2 tulips for a total of nine inscriptions, one for each year of servitude as a cleaning servant, scullery maid, and cooking servant respectively. I had worn it since I was 11 and first signed my contract of servitude with the house. With my 10th year coming to a close, I wondered what inscription I would receive as I was no longer kitchen staff.

I shook the thoughts from my head and finished running a new bath. There was no time to waste; Gaara wasn't considered a patient man even with me. I walked out of the bathroom. Gaara stood on my side of the bed, reading the book I had dropped.

"Your bath is ready, my lord," I informed him.

He ignored me, continuing to look at the book. He idly flipped through, page by page.

Without looking up he asked, "Do you like to read Miko?"

The question startled me. Why does he want to know? Confused I responded. "Yes my lord. My salary only goes to buying books."

Gaara frowned and looked up at me.

"Please don't call me that," he critiqued, "I know it's how you were raised but please, it's Gaara at this point."

My mouth parted slightly in surprise. How informal!

"Yes my lo-," I started before seeing his eyes narrow, "Yes, Gaara."

He nodded and set my book down before walking past me into the bathroom. Gaara I thought. I savored each syllable as it rolled off the tongue in my head. It flowed and I smiled in Gaara's trust in me.

* * *

The warm water smelled of pomegranate and lemon verbena, the same as Miko's hair. The thought sent shivers down my spine and made me curl my toes. This woman was so foreign to me. Her looks, her actions, even her speech were vastly different than the average person. In our conversations, she perked up, acting more refined and composed while speaking passionately. When around others, she was a mouse, only speaking when spoken to. Kankuro confirmed her demeanor saying she was even more vibrant with Temari, the pair becoming as close as siblings.

But in all our time together, we had never talked about her past beyond her being an orphan and needing work. I was curious to know more. I hadn't realized until later that her two years she mentioned were part of her new contract, building on top of the 7 she spent here as a child maid. Sachiko, the housekeeper, must have taken pity on the small child when she hired her.

I finished my bath and ran a new one as I cleaned up and dressed. I walked out and found Miko sitting in a chair holding her book. She slumped to one side, her mouth slightly parted. My heart panged with yearning, to put her in bed and hold her close but I knew being so forward would scare her and ordering her would make her lose all trust. It was a delicate balance to make her realize I was genuine in my concern for her, just terrible at showing it.

I knelt by her side and shook her awake. Startled she awoke with a gasp and stared at me with sleep-hazed eyes.

"I ran you a bath," I whispered, "Take it and come join me."

She nodded and shuffled to bath. I grabbed her book before following close behind, shutting the bathroom door for her privacy and getting in bed. I opened the book to the first chapter "History of the Clans of the Land of Beasts". An interesting choice. The Land of Beasts was gone, destroyed in a war leaving all four of its major clans deceased.

I continued to read until Miko emerged. As she got in bed I turned the lights out and hunkered down for another restless night. I closed my eyes as she continued to shift around searching for a comfortable position. The movement stopped briefly and started again. To my surprise, I felt a warm peck on my cheek before Miko sleepily sprawled out next to me, closer than she had ever slept before. My heart threatened to jump from my chest as I felt her chest breathing slowly next to mine.

The mere thought of her proximity set my nerves on fire. Never before had I felt such longing to do much worse things to her. To hold her yes, but more? I huffed in disbelief that I could even think of such things. But as the hours pressed on and my thoughts showed no sign of waning, I swung my legs out of bed and left to walk the castle at the dead of night.

* * *

A horse braying; fire everywhere. Death. Destruction. I cried and cried, calling "Mommy! Mom!" over and over until my voice was raw. Villagers ran past me, screaming and fleeing. I too ran but my legs could not carry me far. Every step was a struggle like I was pulling my legs through mud. I ran with my eyes closed, not daring to open them for fear of seeing the horrid monsters attacking until I hit a wall. Startled I looked up to find an imposing man standing over me. His bulk blocked out nearly everything in front of me, shielding me from the harsh heat of the flames. He bent down and I screamed. His hot hand grasped my throat, lifting me into the air. I struggled but I was not strong enough to defeat him and my body went limp, a lifeless doll in his grasp. My vision started to fade and a struggled for my last breath.

I woke with a start, sweating and gasping for air while tears pooled in my eyes. My stomach roiled with the threat of making me vomit. Sitting up I realized I was in the middle of Gaara's bed with Gaara nowhere to be found.

Maybe he had gone to the bathroom? I thought but after ten minutes he was still missing.

I decided to get up. Putting on a robe I slipped out the doors. The guards stood motionless.

"I'm sorry," I whispered meekly, "but have you seen the Lord Kazekage?"

A guard named Tonshu who had become more friendly during my time as Gaara's personal servant answered, "He headed down the hall. It's been about an hour."

"Thank you." I gave a slight bow and hustled down the hallway. I grabbed my braid and rubbed its end between my fingers, a nervous habit of mine. I checked his office but found it empty. The kitchens only contained the bakers preparing the breads for the next day. I continued checking his favored spots such as the library but as the number of rooms dwindled smaller my concern started to grow.

I debated waking Temari but the moonlight caught my eye. I stared out the window at the full moon, its silver light illuminating the courtyard. Seated on a marble bench, sat Gaara. His face looked at the moon in awe, his posture more relaxed than I had ever seen him.

All of the servants knew the Kazekage was a handsome man but his temper cruel and abrasive. My intimate interactions as his personal assistant let me see more than anyone else, perhaps even his siblings. I knew why he disliked certain food and what books he liked to read. I saw his drive to make his nation stronger and how this played into his low tolerance for mistakes. I knew the beast inside him affected his actions, hurting him and hurting the people who angered him.

While people knew of him, I knew him as he was. My body electrified at the sight of him, flooding my mind with memories of our months together. Eating lunch together, our teamwork at the council meeting, his peaceful face as his worries left him in sleep all came as a rush. A chill rippled across my skin and I took a deep breath. Oh, how he unsettled me.

I stepped out of the archway and he turned his head to look at me. His gaze pierced through me, drinking in all of my features. I felt exposed and embarrassed. As a servant, I should have lowered my eyes but my instincts told me to match him. I walked towards him as he stared into my soul only breaking eye contact to bow.

"My lord."

He grabbed my wrist tightly before relaxing his grip, sliding his hand down to grab my hand. I lightly gasped, surprised by the contact.

"Please," he moaned, "It's Gaara."

I smiled slightly, "Yes…. Gaara."

He tugged on my hand, guiding me to sit next to him. As I sat on the cold marble, a shiver ran up my spine. He noticed my coldness and took off his robe, wrapping it around me. We sat pondering the beauty of the night sky in silence. Before it might have been awkward but now it was comfortable.

Minutes passed, fading into an hour, watching the moon trek across the night sky. I dared to break the silence.

"Could you not sleep?" I questioned.

I heard Gaara smirk, "No," he spoke, a smile creeping into his words, "I didn't even have the chance."

I looked at him quizzically and he just shook his head while still smiling.

I wasn't sure what to say; the silence was too peaceful and I was afraid of ruining the moment.

"I came out here to think," he murmured. I blushed, embarrassed I had imposed myself on him. I opened my mouth to speak but he silenced me.

"You're not bothering me. I often don't sleep well," he admitted, "but usually for a different reason. Since you started staying it's been easier, knowing there was another nearby."

He paused and I let his words sink in. I was paralyzed by what I was hearing. He enjoyed my company. So very different from how we began.

"I've been struggling more lately. When you leave to run errands, I see things everywhere that remind me of you. I see your eyes in the blue irises in my office," he gestured to the sky, "your hair in the moon. It's unbearable. To see such beautiful things and still not be satisfied until your back; it's torture."

He turned to me, the moon glinting off his eyes. I felt my mouth part, shocked by the revelation. He looked at me and I wanted to hide but I couldn't; my heart beating faster than a race horse's.

I tried to speak but I stumbled over my words, "I…I don't…I" I failed to complete a sentence.

For weeks, I denied myself, calling myself delusional for thinking of such a possibility. I was only a servant and he the ruler of the land.

The thought of prolonged silence caused me anguish and I couldn't bear it. I had to say something but my words failed me.

Our lips met speaking the words neither of us were capable of saying. His hands grabbed my arms lifting them to his neck before sliding his left hand down to my waist and his right around my back drawing me closer.

Heat spread through my body causing my cheeks to flush. This was bliss.

* * *

Her eyes gazed up at me under her thick lashes. I closed my eyes committing the scene to memory when I felt her mouth on mine. Adrenaline coursed through my veins willing my body to combust in ecstasy. I grabbed her, forcing her closer to me. I wanted nothing more to know her as closely as possible. My movement caused her the gasp. I took advantage of the opening to take her more deeply, sliding my tongue along her lower lip. Her forwardness continued and she met me halfway. The beast awoke inside me but I pushed him down. I didn't want him to spoil this memory.

For what seemed like hours we meshed, moving in synch. She broke away first panting as she looked up at me.

"I'm sorry.." she started.

"No," I leaned forward planting a gentler caress on her lips, "don't."

She smiled, "I've wanted to do that for a while now."

"Mmmmm…" I hummed in reply.

She shivered and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. As the adrenaline wore off, content settled in my stomach. We settled back into star gazing until the early morning. Her head rested on my shoulder and her breathing evened as she fell asleep.

Gingerly I picked her up and carried her to bed her body as light as a feather. The guards diverted their eyes as we passed. I tucked her into bed, and stared down at her tranquil face. I brushed aside a lock of feathery snow and bent down to kiss her on the forehead. Her chest heaved and she sunk even deeper into sleep.

I crawled into bed and turned so I could face her. I closed my eyes and grinned like I hadn't in ages. The bed moved and I opened my eyes to find her facing me with her eyes barely focused on my face. She reached for my hand and we fell asleep instantly.

* * *

It was late the next day when we woke. I woke before him, his breathing slow and steady as he dreamed. As much as I wanted to stay like that forever I knew my duties called me. I quietly stood and prepared myself.

The next days passed quickly and we found every way to enjoy our time together. We talked forever during the day and read together before bed. When we walked next to each other his hand would hold the small of my back. We fell asleep holding hands. I grew more and more anxious knowing he would leave soon. Temari and Kankuro joked about how long it had taken though Temari seemed to have won the bet.

The morning of his departure I woke early and headed to the kitchens. I returned hours later to find Gaara awake and getting dressed. His ruck sack was next to the bed. The sight of it put a lump in my throat. He looked at me with strained eyes, the pain apparent on his face. He was the feeling the same worry as me. I set his breakfast down and sat in silence while he ate. Every moment seemed to go by faster than the next. Before I knew it, we were walking out to the gate of the village where we met Temari and Kankuro. Senior Kuro was there as well, ready to send the Kazekage and his group. Gaara turned and looked at me.

"Will you be alright?" he asked, noting the tears forming in my eyes.

"Please be safe." He nodded.

"Of course."

I pulled my hands from my small bag I brought with me.

"Here," I handed him a small package. He looked into it with interest. "It's called wild bread," I explained, "It has different flours, nuts, and dried fruit with honey and molasses. It's what my people gave before a long journey."

He stuck it in his sack before wrapping his arms around me. Our audience prevented him from kissing me as passionately as the first time but he held my hands in his and kissed me softly. I swallowed hoping my tears would not spill over. He needed not to worry about me any more than he already was.

I stared into his eyes wishing I could go with him but I was a servant, obligated to fulfill my duty in the manor. With Gaara gone I would help Senior Kuro with his duties and serve him as if he were one of the Kazekage's siblings. His hand brushed my cheek, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. He turned and strode to his siblings before turning to look at me one last time. He dashed off into horizon and only then did I let my tears hit the sand.

* * *

Aye-yo. Over a year ago I started publishing this story. If you've read my author notes you'll know I had some important work and then school hit and then the computer I was writing this on died. Only recently was a able to recover chapter 4 and now we can continue with this weird ass thing I'm creating. I appreciate all comments and reviews. There may be a couple of things that don't quite line up and I've tried to fix them as best as I could but I lost a good chunk of where this was heading and am trying to recreate the story after a year. Let me know if there are any glaring discrepancies I haven't covered. Thanks ^^


	5. 5- Grief

My feet were sore, my back ached, and I was on the verge of collapse. Five months. Five months I had been away from Suna, fighting what had seemed like a losing battle. And now I was back but the people in the streets gave worried smiles only out of courtesy; I couldn't do the same. Temari and Kankuro followed behind me, with various ninja who had made it back leaving to go to their families. My thoughts were plagued with the knowledge that we had lost far more than we thought possible, that some families would never be united again. But a single thought pierced through.

Michiko. Once I made it back to the manor, I could see her. We could return to a normal schedule. We continued through the village, our feet dragging in our tiredness. The journey seeming to take forever. As the manor came into a view a young woman and her friend, no older than 16 ran up to me.

"Lord Kazekage, please…." she begged before being pulled away by the other girl.

"Suki no, you mustn't bother him."

Suki threw the other girl off. "No. My lord," she bowed deeply, "I know you're tired but something strange has been going on. We don't know what's happening but people are disappearing."

Her voice shook as she looked at me. I stood up a bit straighter, worried by the news.

"Does Councilman Kuro know?"

"Yes my lord," her eyes brimming with tears, "Our brother….he…." she sobbed and her sister dragged her away.

"Come." We made haste, hurrying to the manor now. As we passed the front gates, the guards there look at us with terrified eyes. Something was amiss. Michiko was not waiting. None of the servants were.

We entered the front doors to be greeted by one of Kuro's servants. His blonde hair and slightly hooked nose seemed familiar.

"Lord Kazekage, welcome back." His face was a bit surprised and he bowed with a flourish as we swept past him. I continued to my room while Temari and Kankuro headed to theirs. The guards nodded as I entered my bedroom. Scanning the room, I knew something was wrong. Michiko wasn't here either. It wasn't as if our entrance had been quiet. Many knew of our return. I turned to leave just as one of the guards enter.

"Yes?" I hissed. The guards were never to enter unless there was an emergency.

"My lord," he bowed, "It isn't my place but none of us that keep watch here have seen Michiko, or many of the other servants since you left."

My back stiffened at his words.

"We tried to find her but Kuro had his men running the place. They said she had run away but that didn't seem like her."

The guard continued but my mind went blank. Michiko was missing. Many servants were missing. What had Kuro done while I was gone?

I pushed past the guard and stormed down the hallway. I reached my office and opened the door to look for Kuro but to no avail as well as checked the dining room, the council room, and every other place I could think. As I passed the foyer again I saw the servant who had greeted us at the front door. I studied his face for a moment. He seemed familiar. The arrogant look, thin lips, and especially the hooked nose. He was Kuro's personal assistant. I started down the steps when I heard a shout.

"Gaara!" Temari's voice came. I turned to see her and Kankuro rushing towards me, a worried look stricken across their face.

"What?" I replied curtly.

"None of the family servants can be found. They're mostly people we don't know and the ones we do know won't speak out of fear." She turned and looked at Kankuro.

"Yeah, none of them are familiar. Where could everyone have gone? Where is Kuro?" Kankuro exclaimed.

I paused and looked at the guards. "Go to Kuro's house. Find him. Bring him here." The guards rushed off.

"You." I said, spinning to face the thin-lipped servant. "You're Kuro's personal assistant, are you not?"

Sweat started to bead on the man's forehead. "Yes, my lord."

I narrowed my eyes and stepped closer. "Where is he?"

The man sweat more, gripping his hands tightly. "I...I'm not sure, my lord. He often does not leave the mansion."

I paused before turning and stalking down the hallway. Every thought possible ran through my head. I knew exactly where Kuro was.

All but running, I slammed open the door to the council room. I found Kuro inside, pants around his ankles and brutally raping one of the kitchen staff who arms were tied behind her back. He jumped off of her with a start, trying to pull his robes on.

"My lord, I-I didn't expect you back so soon."

I walked up to him and punched him across his jaw and he went sprawling across the floor.

"Temari. Help her."

Temari ran to the girl and cut her bonds while I walked up to the now bleeding Kuro. I placed my foot on his throat, my vision pulsing red with anger.

"Where is she?" I whispered, the fury lacing its way through the three simple words.

Kuro choked as he struggled to speak against the weight of my foot. "I do not know who you speak of my lord." He grabbed my ankle, attempting to alleviate the pressure.

I whipped out a kunai and knelt while slicing the back of his hand.

"Don't touch me!"

I removed my foot and pushed his head back with my hand, pressing the sharp blade to his trachea.

"Where. Is. She." I enunciated every word with as much venom as I could muster.

Struggling even more, he realized his life was ending as the knife threatened to cut deeper and deeper.

"Dun…..geon."

I stood up and ran from the room letting Kankuro and the guards arrest him. I sprinted through the halls, sand gathering around me as my anger grew more and more. I pushed servants aside, my tiredness forgotten.

I came to the stairs I was looking for and descended. The deeper I went, the angrier I became, my sand swirling like a prowling predator. Before long, the heavy, iron doors appeared before me and blasted open with the force of my sand.

Stalking down the row of cells, I whipped my head side to side, looking for Michiko. Cell after cell passed, empty or filled with mounds of rags. My search continued until I came to the next set of stairs. Desperation set in as the hunt continued.

Floor by floor passed with no results. After reaching the bottom and finding no sign of her the boiling of my blood threatened to make my chest burst. I screamed and ran back through the dungeons. Temari and Kankuro soon joined me and our search continued up the floors of the dungeon, looking for any sign of Miko. Some of the cells contained staff and my sands reached out destroying the locks before them.

We reached the second floor and passed the first four empty cells. As we passed the fifth, I stumbled and stopped. The cell was like many others we passed, dirty and occupied by only rags from the bedding of previous occupants. I squinted looking closer at what caught my eye. At the edge of the pile, a dirty strand of hair lay on the piss stained cobbles.

Time slowed around me as my sands reached out. For what seemed like hours I saw the tendrils grip the bars of the prison and rip them from the walls. I strode in and knelt, digging through the rags looking for the source of the hair.

My hand brushed flesh and I pulled the rest of the rags off the body. Underneath, a filthy emaciated body with scars covering it's back. If it hadn't been for the nakedness I wouldn't have been able to tell if it was a boy or girl. Blood crusted all over her skin, mixing with the vileness of the cell and dirt creating a matted mess of her hair. She wore nothing but a servant's cuff and a leather and chain collar that was much too tight for her neck. At the end, a loop that would pull the chain so it would tighten. I noticed from the ceiling hung another chain with a hook on the end, presumably to suspend the girl by her collar.

I flipped her over and pushed the hair from her face. As my fingers caressed her cheek I dreaded what I might find. The sunken eyes of the girl flickered open and I cursed.

Greeting me was the pale, iridescent blue eyes I longed for. It was Miko.

Her once beautiful, athletic body had wasted away to nothing. Her hair, her pride and joy now ruined. Her eyes no longer shone but glazed over with deadness as she surveyed her surroundings.

I growled as I realized the women I had left was no longer here. My memories of our countless times together faded until I only saw this one current image.

"Miko…." I breathed, not daring to speak any louder for fear of scaring her.

Her eyes continued to wander, her body tensed as if ready for the next punishment. Her fear was a catalyst for me, sending my furor into overdrive. I gripped the collar around her neck and my sand weaved amongst its joints until I ripped it away, shattering the leather and metal into pieces. Miko gasped as if breathing for the first time. The sudden inflow of oxygen let her gain temporary control and her eyes focused on mine.

"Miko…" I whined, desperate for her to recognize me.

Her eyes widened. Yes, I thought, yes she knows. I bent my head down to hers.

A scream pierced the timid silence. Our world shattered and I looked up startled. Tears streamed down her face as she hit me, pushing against my chest. Her attempts were weak and sobs wracked her thin frame. I let go in surprise and she backed up scooting on her hands and knees into the corner.

"Please," she croaked, her voice raspy from the collar that had been choking her, "Please let me go."

"Miko you are free!" I cried. I was confused as to why she thought I was imprisoning her.

"Please oh god, no. Please." She chanted this over and over. I tried to move closer but she repeated her chorus over and over, increasing in speed and desperateness any time I moved.

My heart was broken. My love, my rock for the last 5 months, had been broken and ripped from me. I reached out and she cried out as her weeping mounted in intensity. I saw Temari step past me, followed by the housekeeper Sachiko whose face now wore a scar on her left cheek. They knelt next to the hysterical Miko and draped a blanket across her shoulders. Temari managed to get an arm around Miko's back and picked her up bridal style.

"Gaara," she called.

I stared at the sick being in her arms, unable to respond to Temari's hail.

"Gaara," she repeated, more firm this time, "I'm taking her to your room."

Miko grabbed Temari's collar and buried her face in her chest to avoid looking at me as Temari brushed by. I turned and followed, shuffling blindly as Kankuro led me behind them.

I couldn't imagine what had happened. There was no explanation.

We reached my quarters and Temari laid Miko on the bed. Sachiko helped her turn Miko on her side to get a closer look at the lashes on her back. Some of the lines were puffy, red scars while others were more fresh, infected and oozing pus. Miko trembled as they gently prodded her back.

"Kankuro," Temari said softly, "we need a healer immediately."

Kankuro turned and left. At the click of the door closing Miko turned over in fright. Her eyes widened and she sobbed, clawing at the sheets in anattempt to escape across the bed. Keeping me in her sights she kept scrambling until she fell off the edge. I ran to her and found her curled on the floor crying. I knelt down to help her and she lashed out, hitting me in the nose. Blood poured down my face and I sat in disbelief.

Temari pushed me aside and picked Miko up, escorting her to the bathroom. Just then the medics arrived as did Jabari. The relaxation expert bowed to me before he followed the team into the bathroom. I got up to follow.

As I tried to step through the door Temari cut me off. "Gaara. You need to leave."

I felt the rage rip through my body again.

"No. I need to see her."

Temari's face hardened. "Can't you see something is wrong with her? You're not helping. Something happened when we were gone and she's not mentally stable."

The door slammed in my face. I stood there shocked. What the hell had happened?

* * *

I didn't sleep that night. When I came back to my room it was deserted with only the servants cleaning the blood from the bed and bath. The thought of what had transpired made me sick to my stomach and I left. All I had wanted was to sleep holding Miko in my arms but my dreams were only that, dreams.

I wandered the halls looking for the group but they were nowhere to be found. I was lost and confused. I needed someone but the person I needed despised me. I wandered to the kitchen thinking food might help, but when I arrived my stomach dropped. The very thought of where she previously worked caused me anguish.

I moved on in my wandering and came to my office. As I set my hand on the handle, memories of her warm hand on mine came rushing back. Everywhere reminded me of her. I ambled about the manor, the spite growing deeper and more bitter. I hated this. I stumbled upon the gardens. I walked out as the full moon shone upon me. I sat at the same marble bench as where I first kissed Miko. This too was painful but I had nowhere else to go. I stared up at the moon, it's white glow a painful reminder of what I had lost.

Soon after, Kankuro joined me. He sat next to me on the bench but said nothing. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I cracked, the anxiety of being clueless eating at my very being.

"How is she?" I asked solemnly. I knew it was bad. She could recognize me but clearly she was traumatized by the sight of me.

"I don't know man…." he huffed, "She's apparently got bad memories of most of us. Somehow Temari and Sachiko are fine but they had to handle her pretty rough to let Jabari get near her. It's like all the men she knows are the problem but no one knows why."

I absorbed the information. It seemed the closer the men to her were, the more violent of a reaction she had to them with me being the worst.

We lapsed into silence again as the gears turned in my brain. I knew Kuro was behind this but how? I wanted to talk to Kankuro but the silence didn't want to be broken.

Eventually Kankuro stood and clapped me on the shoulder. "We'll figure it out man. We have to." And he left.

I couldn't bear it any longer and left the manor all together. I walked the streets of Suna but they were empty, whatever havoc Kuro had wrought had scared my people into their homes. I meandered about looking for some distraction but all of the stores were closed. I crossed from district to district, from rich to poor and found no solace. Passing folded merchant stalls, I came upon a singular building with lights shining through its windows. A bookstore. How cruel this world was.

I stepped inside and came face to face with the shopkeeper. Despite my haggard and melancholy look, the clerk initiated a conversation.

"My lord," he said with a deep bow, "forgive my impertinence, but the village has been quite distraught lately."

I only had the strength to nod.

Continuing he asked, "I have been…concerned. One of our favorite customers has been missing since the day you left. She usually comes weekly but she has been unaccounted for like many of the other villagers."

The conversation wore on my and I sagged under the burden of protecting this village. All of these people and I failed them. I sank into the nearest chair and buried my head in the palms of my hands.

"Who is it?"

The clerk paused. "Well my lord….it's your personal servant, Miko."

All I could do was laugh. I broke under the stress and a nervous maniacal laugh burst from my chest. In not a single place did I have freedom from her.

"I…will do my best."

The clerk bowed in thanks and left me pondering why karma decided I must deal with this.

For a while I perused the stacks of books but eventually sat on the floor flipping through an old genjutsu textbook. The shopkeeper said nothing and locked up allowing me to stay uninterrupted. The monotonous page turning through the images of hand signs and scripts outlining the use of each one had me nodding off. I flipped one last page about a doppelgänger jutsu before sleep came to me.

* * *

I awoke slumped against a bookcase with the textbook still in my lap. I stood up stretching my sore legs and placed the book back on the shelf. Stepping out between the shelves I found the shopkeeper sleeping in a chair apparently watching over me. I left what coins I had on the counter and let myself out. I trudged back to the manor, making my way through the early morning markets.

I entered the manor through the servants' quarters avoiding all possible encounters. The kitchens bustled and servants moved about completing their chores. I felt the despair from yesterday creeping back into my bones, chilling me to my core. This sense of loss and hopelessness was debilitating.

I continued wandering when Temari found me. I stopped and starred at her waiting to be chastised for even being in the manor.

"Where were you last night?" she quipped.

"Out." I didn't feel much like responding.

"We need to see if Miko is still mental," she huffed. She crossed her arms, "Jabari managed to calm her down enough to work on her."

I grabbed Temari's shoulders, "Where is she?" Desperation crept into my words. Maybe we could fix this.

Temari's expression gentled, "Come."

We walked through the halls and up several flights of stairs. We made it to the very top of the manor where there were only store rooms and greenhouses. We entered a seemingly random room.

My heart stopped. The room's outer wall was lined with floor to ceiling windows with irises growing along the front of the windows. In the middle of the bright room was Miko lying in bed asleep, her chest rising and falling. I strode across the room and knelt by the bed.

"Miko…" I breathed. I brushed back her restored hair, now washed and detangled by Jabari. Its length no longer fell to her waist but to her mid-back.

Temari stepped up next to me, "The hair wasn't salvageable on the right side." She gestured just as Miko stirred, turning her head. The side of her head was shaven close to the scalp tapering downward behind her ear. Despite her feeble state the look was striking.

I stared at her face. Her once full lips were now dried and cracked, her soft cheeks gaunt and sharp. She was merely a ghost of who she once was. I grabbed her hand and pressed it to my lips. What I wouldn't do to have her returned to normal.

I sat there holding her hand and rubbing my thumb across her skeletal knuckles wishing I could have protected her. I looked up when Sachiko and Kankuro entered. The door closed louder than usual and I felt Miko stir.

As she woke, she blinked willing her eyes to bring her surroundings into focus. I caught her stare and I could see the moment the tiredness turned to fear.

Her scream pierced my heart and caused me to take a step back. I was the devil to this woman and I didn't even know why. Temari pulled me back as Miko continued shrieking and sobbing. Sachiko ran forward and grabbed her face between her hands attempting to calm her down but it was no use. As long as I was around she couldn't be in peace.

Temari tugged me along and pulled me out the door. I was drowning in helplessness.

"We'll work on it Gaara," she assured me but I wasn't so sure what could be down.

The sobbing coming through the door spurred my anger and I spun and stalked down the hall. There was one person who may have a clue.

I heard Kankuro rushing after me. "Gaara! Gaara! Where are you going?"

"Where is Kuro?"

"What? Why?"

"Where. Is. He?" We hit the staircase and Kankuro got in front of me.

"Gaara why?" He was blocking my path with his body.

"You know why. He is the cause of all this!" My yell echoed off the staircase walls.

Kankuro took a deep breath pondering if I was right. "C'mon. He's in the dungeons."

We ran down the stairs and through the hallways. The closer we got the more my fury grew. The dungeon doors slammed open and Kankuro led me to a cell in the middle of the block. I looked inside and found Kuro, hands bound and sitting against the wall. I summoned a guard who hustled over to unlocked the cell. My sand was already swirling in deadly tendrils. I entered the cell while Kankuro stayed behind.

Kuro looked up and his body tensed in fear. The mere sight of him disgusted me and I wanted nothing to do with him but I knew I had to.

"Get up," I hissed. Kuro slowly stood, weary of my murderous eyes. As soon as he righted himself I lost my composure and slammed my elbow into chest, pinning him to the wall. Kuro grunted in pain and avoided my eyes.

"What did you do to her?" I said my voice dripping with venom. Kuro was silent.

I backhanded him across his mouth. "Do not make me repeat myself."

Kuro mumbled a few words but was unintelligible. "Louder," I yelled, shoving him even harder into the wall. I wanted nothing more than to slit his throat and let him bleed all over the floor but that wouldn't help Miko.

"It's genjutsu," he gasped.

I paused. Genjutsu? Kuro couldn't use chakra. His position on the council ensured he was a non-jutsu user. How could he have done this?

"What do you mean? You don't use genjutsu."

Kuro smirked, "And you weren't supposed to return but that didn't happen."

The beast inside me broke free and I lost control. My sand shot towards his neck, encircling it like the collar Miko had worn and pulled him towards the ceiling. His feet barely touched the floor and he scrambled for air.

"Tell me everything."

* * *

Hey guys. If I had it my way I would have kept going with this chapter but I'm trying to write about a chapter per day and it's late. I don't feel like a lot happened here but I feel that it's pretty integral to the story. Shit be real. As always any suggestions are welcome. The reviews from the last chapter really lifted my spirits and got me rarin' to write today. Thanks again! Just a future notice I guess there will be some really dark things correlating to what was written here so if these things are bothering you just be warned. There is more to come.


	6. 6- Sin

"Tell me everything."

I tightened my fist which caused the sand to constrict around Kuro's neck. His face turned from red to purple. I felt Kankuro's hand on my shoulder.

"You need to calm down," he advised, "You're going to kill him and we can't do that…yet."

Kuro's eyes bulged and he scrambled even more fervently at the noose of sand. I took a deep breath and relaxed my grip against my will. Kuro dropped to the ground choking on air. My rage turned from murderous to barely controlled and I kicked him in the ribs instead of killing him. I heard a crack as his ribs broke and he rolled to the side, whimpering.

"Get up," I snarled at him. He held onto his side as he struggled into a kneeling position.

"Start from the beginning."

Kuro spit a gob of blood to the side, still wheezing from his throttling.

"The insurgency in the Land of Fire was a ploy."

I wasn't too impressed. I had figured that out during the fight but what no one knew was who the mastermind behind the whole thing was.

"This had better get interesting fast."

Kuro glanced up at me with his head still downturned. "The idea was to overthrow the kages of the Land of Fire and Land of Wind. First by assassinating you and then using your forces to overtake Konoha. You weren't supposed to return from the battle."

Again, I wasn't impressed but I let him keep talking.

"When you didn't return, I would keep my power and rule Suna. I was the strongest of the council members, the most persuasive. I had already infiltrated your forces and had powers of my own. But first I needed to break the will of the people. I needed to show them I had absolute power."

My blood boiled knowing he was definitely the one causing my people this suffering.

"And Miko?" I growled.

Kuro huffed a laugh, "She was a challenge. I tried to persuade her the first month but she was obstinate. She would defy me even in the simplest of manners. Putting salt in my tea or bringing me inadequate food. She would disappear for hours at a time and never be of help. She knew the ruse in the first few weeks. The last straw was when I caught her trying to send you letters of the plan. I couldn't have that, now could I?"

His cockiness was slowly building again so I hit him again. He grunted in pain and snarled at me.

"Pick up the pace."

Kuro started again more serious, "So I put her in the dungeons. I figured if I could break her spirit then she would know who to follow. But I couldn't. Her defiance inspired the other servants. They would feed her when she was supposed to starve and disobey orders given. So they started to rot in cells too. But she never gave up. She would rather die than betray you and your family."

My heart ached learning that she was so firm in her faith. Knowing that she was trying to send for help the whole time made me ill. I hadn't been here to save her or my people.

"I had no choice. I couldn't have her causing dissonance amongst the staff. So I made her turn on the very people she was protecting. You."

I listened closely hoping I would hear what I needed to heal Miko. Kuro talked about using a genjutsu, a strong one that transformed the user into a person of importance to the person being afflicted. Depending on the punishment for the day Kuro would change into a new person. To starve her he would impersonate other servants or Jabari. They would taunt her and put her food just out of reach. When she would speak out, she would be whipped under the guise of Kankuro.

"And the worse thing I could do? Make her hate you. If I couldn't have her than no one could."

He would take on my appearance and hit her, choke her, and brutalize her. The turning point was the collar. The day he put the collar on her she became scared. He humiliated her. He pushed her further and further. He would chain her from the ceiling, barely able to touch the ground. He undressed her and made stay naked on display. The final straw was how he forced himself on her. Kuro spoke of how she would sob and cry for help as he raped her looking like me.

Each act had made me angrier and angrier until he said the last one. I was shocked. It was no wonder she hated me. The very thing she had joined this household to avoid and it had happened to her.

"Fix it," I whispered.

Kuro smirked, "I can't. What's done is done."

This time I picked him up by the neck with my hands. I squeezed and felt the life leaving his body.

"Fix. It."

I felt Kankuro behind move behind but I threw out a wave of sand, sending him backwards out of the cell. I created a wall to keep anyone from stopping me. I wanted to kill him. Slowly and surely, I wanted him to feel all the pain and suffering Miko had endured.

I felt the beast raring to shredded him but I knew I needed to stop. We knew what had caused this but not how to fix it. I loosened my grip enough to let him speak.

"I'll only say it one more time. FIX HER!" I screamed.

Kuro shook his head, "I can't. This isn't a genjutsu problem anymore."

I dropped him and turned away. My sand retracted back into my gourd. Kankuro looked in surprised to find Kuro still alive.

Exiting the cell, I turned and gave Kuro a final warning, "If she doesn't get better, you'll have an appointment with the executioner." And I left.

* * *

The week passed in the slowest manner possible. I spent my time seeking out all of the servants whose contracts had been terminated with Sachiko while Kuro was in power. We spent time with them ensuring they were healthy and ok and gave them the option to leave their contract with some pay. Many chose to stay but others left to find employment elsewhere, scarred by their catastrophic time under Kuro.

Michiko was absent from all manor life as she was still critically ill, her emaciation weakening her to the point where she couldn't walk. The medics who presided over her told me she would recover over the next few months but they were unsure of how to help her mentally. I called in a genjutsu specialist but he told me realistically there was nothing to break. Her aversion to me was strictly from post-traumatic stress disorder.

I grew restless, bored by my monotonous days of ruling but I had no relief at the end of the day, no one to de-stress me. I started sleeping in the servants' quarters because my room caused me too much anguish, the memories of feeling her so close overwhelming.

* * *

The next week was much of the same. After several days of this I resolved to find Temari. I walked upstairs towards Miko's room and stopped. Temari and Sachiko stood in the hallway supporting Miko between them. I stepped back behind the corner so they wouldn't spot me and I peered down the hallway at them from my vantage point. She wore a silken pajama set with black shorts and a grey tanktop.

Temari whispered gently to Miko, coaching her through the steps of relearning how to walk. Miko gingerly put out her right foot and wobbled as she struggled to carry her own weight. I noticed deep patches of black and yellow bruises covering her legs. The two women encouraged her to take another. She shifted her weight to her left foot and her knees gave out, her body slamming into the floor. As she fell her shirt rode up exposing her hips and stomach. Her hips were stamped with bruised handprints. I almost vomited thinking of the sick things Kuro had done to her.

Sachiko and Temari gently picked her up again and encouraged her to try once more. Miko nodded and they resumed their practice. I left unable to stomach much more of my hatred for Kuro or my sorrow for Miko.

* * *

Temari and the medics gave me constant updates on her progress. Her bruises healed in a couple of weeks and she had already gained 4 kilos of weight back. We attempted a visit in her room but the same terrors afflicted her as before. I felt horrible being unable to provide her with the support that she needed.

Weeks passed and she slowly became more like herself, though I was only able to watch her progress from afar. She began taking more and more steps and eventually walking alone. She could move from room to room alone and started doing menial tasks around the manor. At this point I had to be more vigilant of my presence as I didn't want to disturb her. Strange things still affected her. She couldn't stand the smell of pomegranate lemon verbena shampoo which made her vomit and she loved eating yokan. She was essentially the exact opposite from me.

As much as I wanted to leave I couldn't. There was no urgent business, no missions, no world that needed saving. I was stuck in my office every day, always needing to be conscious of myself and where Miko may be in the manor. It was beyond excruciating.

I knew that Miko had become completely comfortable with Jabari during the last two months and even become close friends. But it seemed different for us. The last time I saw her she still reacted poorly to me, the spasms and terrors as bad as the day I returned. More recently, Temari had started working on fixing the damage between Kankuro and Miko. Previously she had had similar hysterical responses but now they could be in the same room. Temari wasn't sure exactly allowed Miko to overcome her fear of either. With Jabari, it seemed almost instantaneous but the healing with Kankuro was not so swift. We theorized that maybe the severity of the punishments Kuro had inflicted on her were the cause.

Every day I missed her more and more. My chest ached and the smallest of things could send me into a rage. My temperament shifted, swinging like an unbalanced pendulum. It affected my work and my relationship with my siblings. I felt the dark serpent of jealousy rise up higher and higher every day, winding its way through my mind as I watched my siblings interact with Miko when I could not. It was unbearable. I went on missions whenever possible even though I could easily have others do just so I could get out of the manor.

Temari grew more and more concerned. My own health was affected. I knew I was losing mass and I was slowly losing my mind.

"Gaara, you need to see a healer," she nagged.

"I'm fine." We both knew this was a lie.

"You have bags under your eyes. I know you don't sleep in your room anymore. You need help."

My temper snapped, "Why don't you fix someone else before you try and fix me!"

I turned and stalked off.

I was later walking back towards my new bedroom in the servants' quarters while sulking about my conversation with Temari when I rounded the corner and came face to face with Miko who was carrying a stack of books. She stepped back in surprise. I took a long look at her face. Her features had softened a bit since our last encounter and the vibrancy of her eyes had returned. Her frame was still small but I could see the muscle definition beginning to build bit by bit in her arms and legs. She had decided to keep the haircut Jabari had given her as her hair was freshly shorn on the right side.

Following Miko around the corner was Temari, who had apparently been searching for Miko. She froze also realizing the situation. Miko's eyes filled with tears as she recognized who I was. Every fiber of my being wished I could hold her and wipe the tears away. For what seemed like an eternity we stood there but Miko never screamed or lashed out. The seconds slowed to a crawl. I was at a loss as to what to do. So I bowed. I submitted myself to a servant, to my love. I ever so briefly glanced up and saw Miko nod once and scurry around me. As I straightened I exchanged looks with Temari who had a bewildered half grin on her face. Perhaps this was the start of healing.

* * *

As the days passed I replayed that moment over and over again. The idea that this was fixable was elating. Temari came to me with a plan.

"I was thinking about the hallway thing the other day," she said, eyes gleaming like a madman.

I nodded in response.

"Well if she could tolerate you then, maybe you could start doing things together. The more comfortable she is, the more likely it is to pass."

We decided to start the next week. Temari spent the week still helping Miko around and talking to her about me, teaching her things that went against the images Kuro put in her brain. Temari told me Miko wanted to believe her but it was difficult after her experiences. She suffered from crippling migraines from the dissonant images. I prayed to whatever gods there may be that Miko would get better.

On the day we were meeting for our strange form of therapy I grew more and more nervous. I couldn't stand still has my nerves ate through my very skin. I wanted this to work more than anything. I stood outside of Miko's room with Temari.

"You'll just be reading, sitting across the room. If she starts to panic leave. I'll be in there with you."

I nodded and followed Temari into the room. Miko sat at a table eating her dinner. She looked up and immediately forced her eyes back down to her plate. I sat in the chair Temari motioned to and opened my book. I could feel Miko's glances every now and then but I ignored her and continued to read. I could hear Temari murmuring reassurances to her and eventually Miko finished her meal and got up to begin getting ready for bed. I heard the bath run and sat in silence with Temari, waiting for Miko to finish.

She emerged clean smelling of lavender and ginger. She wore the same pajamas as before which showed off her improved health. Her skin glowed a bit brighter and no longer looked damaged and wrinkled from poor care. As she turned to get in bed I noticed the scars on her back had drastically changed. The older ones appeared as faint white lines and the newer ones where puffier and pink. Temari had told me the medics were still working to get them under control.

Miko locked eyes with me and I feared she would lapse into a fit. I inclined my head to acknowledge her and continued to read. Her fit never came and when I glanced up next she was reading. We continued like, sneaking glances at each other for an hour before Temari bid Miko farewell. As I made my exit following Temari I turned for one last look. Miko stared at me wearily, holding her collar in a fist in the crook of her neck.

"Good night…Miko."

I let the door close.

* * *

In my office Temari jumped up and down.

"Did you see that?! That was fantastic!" she squealed in delight.

I hid my grin behind my interlaced fingers. It had gone much better than expected.

We continued to talk about potential opportunities to interact with Miko when Kankuro entered.

"Guys! I just thought of something."

We both looked at him with interest.

Kankuro continued, "I was talking to Jabari. You know how Miko doesn't remember Jabari doing anything to her even though prior to interacting with her, she thought he was punishing her?"

Though convoluted we both nodded. Miko had reacted poorly to Jabari upon first meeting but shortly after couldn't remember a thing he would have done to her. Instead Kuro was replaced in her memory.

"What if Jabari did something to make that happen?" Kankuro said excitedly.

"But Kankuro," Temari started, "We don't know what that could be."

We all stood there quietly, pondering what Kankuro had said. If what he said was true then maybe she would heal faster than we thought. The physical wounds and the mental wounds from Kuro would last but she would be free of me and I could help her again.

I sighed. "Let's call it a day." They nodded in agreement and we all headed to bed to ponder potential ideas.

* * *

I tossed and turned as I tried to sleep, the smallest of sounds keeping me from sleeping. The sound of the door clicking shut startled me into full awareness and I looked up. Miko stood in front of the door. Her pale hair glowed in the moonlight filtering in through the window. She wore white silken pajamas in a similar fashion to her other ones, showing off her legs and arms. She padded across the carpeted floor coming up next to the bed. I sat up and stared in awe. Her beauty was sat on the edge of the bed facing me, our hips touching, shoulder to shoulder.

She stared into my soul with her piercing blue eyes.

"Miko…" I breathed.

Her lips touched mine gently, asking if she could continue. I pushed back softly, pleading for more. She broke the kiss to give me a fleeting glance before returning with a more fervent embrace. I slid my hand up her neck and pulled her closer into me. I heard her inhale and open herself to me. I slid my tongue in and we melded even closer, the stakes rising higher and higher. For what seemed like hours we sat there, locked in our intimate embrace. My body was in ecstasy but I was afraid to push her too far.

Her hands found my chest and she pushed me down onto the bed. My toes curled from the electricity running through my veins. God I had wanted this for what seemed like an eternity. I felt her swing her leg over my body, her light weight resting on my hips. I nearly bucked in want but I managed to hold still. Her hands explored my body, feeling every curve of muscle. I wanted nothing more than to return the favor.

When she started grinding her pelvis into mine again, I lost it. I grabbed her hips and pushed her into me. I felt my cock harden and I thrust into her, grinding against her still clothed body. She moaned. Dear God this would be the end of me. My hands slid up her sides inching under her shirt. I ran my fingers along her smooth back soaking in every supple inch. She continued her assault on my mouth urging me to go faster and faster.

I pulled my hands back down to her smooth, full thighs. She grinded into me with even more desperation a while moaning. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed her hips and rolled her, pinning her under me. I spread my knees apart, forcing her legs more open. She wrapped her arms around my neck pulling my closer to her bosom. I broke away from the kiss to lavish kisses upon her neck and chest while my hands gripped the bottom of her shirt to start pulling it over her head.

Just as I was about to do so she moaned, "Gaaraaa….."

I sat up, soaked in sweat. The darkness engulfed me as I gasped for air, realizing I wasn't in my bedroom but still in the servants' quarters. It had all felt so real. My body still longed for what my dream had held but there was no Miko to be found. I fell back into the pillows and huffed. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

WHEW. That was exciting. A bit fast paced but there's only so much moping Gaara I can write before I want to throw up. Reviews are appreciated as always. Thanks for sticking with it through that semi-dull last chapter. Best regards!


	7. 7- Hunger

The thrum of my pencil against the pad of paper on my desk kept me in my daze. Soft skin under my hands, the taste of her mouth, every memory flashed through my head. I groaned and clenched my fist snapping the pencil. For weeks, I had been having dreams of Miko ranging from pleasant picnics at the nearby springs and laughter to dirty fantasies in the dark of the night. It didn't help that every day I spent time with Miko but never could get her to feel comfortable around me. The torture Kuro had done to her had skewed her thoughts and left her scarred and broken. Though things had gotten better she still could barely stand to be near me. It was maddening.

Temari had us try different ways of jogging her memory, attempting to remind her of her life before Kuro had taken over but none were successful. It especially hurt seeing her act so normally with Jabari, Temari, and now Kankuro. As if instantaneously her relationships with Jabari and Kankuro had mended but no one was sure why. With Jabari it had only taken hours and Kankuro only took a couple of weeks. One day where she had previously cried in fear Kankuro, she remembered and was ecstatic to see him. No one knew what spurred the sudden change.

"Gaara!" I looked up at the sudden intrusion, exhausted more than anything else. Temari and Kankuro strode into my office.

"Yes?" my voice lifeless. Just another attempt that would fail. They always did this, day after day acting like they had found some magical cure.

"I think we figured something out," Temari said for what seemed like the 100th time.

I just stared at her. We had already tried 1000's of thing but none of them seemed to have any affect. Almost every night I read with Miko, eventually moving on to eating dinner with her and taking strained walks during the day. It was maddening.

I settled in to listen to their ridiculous plan.

* * *

As predicted Temari and Kankuro's plan failed and this time even more spectacularly than most. They had tried to drag Miko to the sand gardens for a picnic but I could tell Miko wasn't feeling it as soon as we left the room. She only deteriorated from there, with tears streaming down her face by the time we reached the garden. I decided to leave at that point and from what Kankuro said, it didn't get any better.

I decided to skip bonding time with Miko the next evening, citing needing a break to my ever-vigilant sister. I spent my time strolling the village wondering just how much more of this I could take. I had received correspondence from Naruto about Miko. Even Sakura, one of the best healers was stumped. Even she thought nothing should be wrong with her. Her only suggestion was something to keep her occupied, to keep her in a routine. Kankuro and I had tried to brainstorm ideas but nothing came to fruition.

The streets seemed better, far warmer than when I had first returned with shopkeeper bustling their wares with potential buyers eyeing them suspiciously, keen on getting a good price. I walked up and down the streets, stopping to make small talk to store owners and patrons. I walked until the sun set behind the walls of Suna and kept walking. Miles shredded under my feet as the stores passed by.

As the moon rose I decided to head back to the manor. The late night brought the close of stores but the opening of bars and brothels. Walking down a random street a particular bright blue sign caught my eye. The Iris. Oh, the irony. I usually avoided drinking, the Shukaku burning off the alcohol faster than I could drink it but every once in a while, I decided to test it.

I stepped inside, the dim, haziness of the smoke clouding my vision. The barkeep rubbed down a glass and paused.

"Lord Kazekage, you honor us."

I nodded and sat. I stared at the colorful bottle behind the bar, unable to decipher what in the hell they were.

The barkeep looked between me and the bottles, a bemused look on his face, "Can I get you something my lord?"

"The strongest thing you have…" I growled.

* * *

I stumbled out of the bar, hand to my head as I propped myself on the doorway. Whatever the barkeep had kept hidden was apparently strong enough after 15 shots. I only made it a few steps down the street before the world turned. I vomited on the corner, wiping the putrid alcohol from my lips and managed to find the roads back towards the mansion. I paused again, gripping a closed food stall trying to convince myself to take another step. Just as I worked up the courage, the tiniest mew broke me from my trance. I spun around though too quickly losing my balance and landing on my ass. Before sat a tawny and black striped kitten, its head cocked inquisitively.

Our staring match continued until I fell back, unable to stay lucid. I closed my eyes trying to let it pass but my head swam with the intoxication. I felt a weight on my chest so I cracked an eye. The kitten now took up residence on me staring down at me in a laughing manner. I had already done one stupid thing today, nothing like a second.

"Alright you little shit, you're coming with me." With that I scooped up the feline and somehow managed to make it back to the manor without losing it or myself.

* * *

"What the hell is that?" Kankuro looked pointedly at the new house member.

The kitten sat by my chair in the dining room, munching on some boiled fish from the kitchen. In my drunken stupor, I failed to realize it was missing its tail and instead had a small stump which wiggled amusingly every once in a while, as the cat ate.

"It's a cat," I quipped. My recent decision to get hammered had left me with a raging headache and nausea making my usually unpleasant attitude even worse.

Kankuro stared, the exasperation evident on his face. "Right, but like, why is it here?"

Temari looked on amused. I wasn't unfond of animals but the idea of keeping one in the manor had always seemed like a hairy ordeal.

"It's for Miko." I had at some point last night decided the very thing Miko needed to get better was an emotional support animal. It gave her a routine and a companion she could tell anything to. It was perfect as Sakura had prescribed.

Kankuro's jaw dropped and Temari smirked.

"Huh…a cat. Does it have a name?" she asked. I could see her eyes light up with excitement. The sharp twinkle meant Temari was elated to have a furry companion, a luxury our father never deemed worthwhile.

I thought for a moment, "Miko should name it. It's for her after all."

We all stared at the new mammalian companion who promptly noted the attention with a high pitch mew.

* * *

The three of us stood in the corridor, Temari and Kankuro facing me while the kitten sat snuggled in my arms. Temari tried to convince me to put a ribbon on the gift for Miko but Kankuro and I shot her down. We had decided my two siblings would go in before me so I could surprise Miko.

Temari gave both us a subtle nod and turned to open the door letting Kankuro and herself file in. I heard them greet Miko softly and I followed them through the entrance. I heard Miko's voice cutoff as she realized I was here. Temari and Kankuro parted revealing me and the furry gift. Miko's eyes lit up, an excited grin covering her face. The blue force of her eyes focused solely on the cat.

I walked closer than I had the day we bumped into each other in the hallway and sat on the edge of the bed.

"For you." I held out the kitten, one hand under its chest the other supporting its bum. She reached out, drawn in by the kitten's cuteness. Our hands grazed each other as she gingerly retrieved her gift. I felt my face flush at the contact and studied her, waiting for her reaction. She cuddled the kitten to her chest stroking its head. The cat responded with a deep throaty purr as it cuddled closer to her. There bond was already strong.

She looked up at me for the first time and gave a soft smile.

"Thank you…" she whispered before returning back to the cat.

My heart fluttered.

* * *

The cat's name was Aki. Miko had put a red leather collar on it with a small bell and they slept together every night. Aki and Miko were inseparable, the cat following her everywhere.

Another month passed quickly bringing us just a degree closer but closer none the less. Miko and I now went on walks in the evening, though she shied away from me in the halls. It drove me absolutely insane. Four months had gone by and we were barely any better.

We continued our walks, almost always accompanied either by Temari or Kankuro. One night in particular Miko and I wandered the house, not speaking with Temari trailing behind us silently. Our path was sporadic, never planned and we happened to pass the sand gardens for the first time. The closer we got, the louder Miko's breathing got, desperate and erratic, edging on the edge of hyperventilation. We rounded the corner and the gardens came into view, the white sands perfectly combed and the desert flowers in bloom. The sight threw waves of nostalgia and longing over me making me with wish I could savor the intense kiss we had once shared.

I turned to the sound of Miko stumbling, her body braced against the wall as her fitful breathes became I full-blown panic attack. I reached out to help, to hold her and calm her down but Temari intervened, shielding Miko from me. Temari's sharp look made me back off as she swept the tearful Miko away. I stood there stunned, the gears turning in my head. What had gone wrong? What had happened to make her panic?

I jumped with a start. Maybe that was it. An event. I sprinted down the halls, startling servants while I searched for Kankuro. My breaths came as frantic as my thoughts. I passed the dining room and stopped, slamming the door fully open startling the feasting Kankuro.

"Kankuro." The statement was strained. The very idea constricted my thoughts.

He looked at me confused as he lounged in his chair, feet on the table.

"Yeah bro?"

"That day," I panted trying to catch my breath, "What happened that day?"

Kankuro became even more befuddled. "Not sure what you mean…"

My patience was quickly running out. "The day things changed. When she suddenly loved you again."

"OOOOOHHHHH," he exclaimed, "Yeah that. Let's see. Ate breakfast, ran some errands, grabbed a book while I was out, went to see Miko and gave her the book and then we had dinner together."

"That's it?" I asked incredulously.

"Uh yeah. Though when I first walked in she was all mental but she calmed down after I gave her the book."

The book. That was it.

I rushed out of the room. The book. Of course. I ran out of the manor and down the streets.

Excitement and anxiety crashed over me like a tsunami as I neared my destination. A familiar street came into view and the same faded light poured through its windows. I slammed the door open startling the owner of the bookstore.

"My lord!" he exclaimed, "We are honored to receive you again."

I ignored his welcome and ran past the stacks until I came to the right row. My fingers drifted across dozens of books as I searched for the right tomb. My hand rested on a faded red cover. _The Art of Learning High Level Genjustsu_. Pulling the book down, I flipped it open, ripping through the pages until I found it.

 _The doppelgänger genjutsu is one of the highest levels of genjutsu. The user of this technique must not only be able to fool the victim of their surroundings at the time but also capable of placing a long-term block on their mind allowing for installation of memories under disguise. Most victims slowly lose the false memories but some are subject to permanent affliction. An individual with a powerful block may break the block by re-experiencing the strongest memory they have in association with the person the user is disguised as._

I slammed the book shut. That was it.

I sprinted out of the shop carrying the book, the storekeep's mouth agape. I would have to pay him back tenfold. As the manor came into view I saw Temari and Kankuro standing out front. Passing them I shoved the book into Temari's hands.

"What the hell?!"

I ignored her and kept running. Running and running I sprinted down halls and through doors, pushing aside guards and servant. My heart threatened to explode. I understood. I got it. I took the stairs three at a time, using every ounce of muscle to push myself up the stairs not willingly to waste another second. Door after door of the barren hall passed and I flung open the final one. Striding inside I found a startled Miko and Aki who immediately sprinted under the bed.

I stalked across the room, with each step her fear increasing. I grabbed her arm and yanked her out of bed. Her cry alarmed me for a second but I continued pulling her with me. I tugged her down the hall, gripping her wrist tighter as she struggled to pull away from me. Ignoring her protests, I continued, dragging her to what probably seemed like her execution. Finding the familiar path, we twisted and turned, Miko caught in my grip.

We exited an arch and stood in the middle of the sand gardens. I turned to face her and just barely avoided a swinging slap. My heart was probably beating as fast as hers though for a different reason. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her eyes puffy and red. I took a breath and jerked her arm up and towards me, letting my other hand gently rest upon her jaw. Her eyes closed, scrunched in pain. I let my own eyes fall closed in a silent prayer, hoping this would work.

Our lips met, crushed against each other. I quashed her struggles and pulled her deeper into me, pushing my tongue into her. The taste of her lips was intoxicating. As the I let my pent-up passion pour into our embrace I felt her body go from jerking to soft, no longer resisting but relaxing into mine. I petted her hair letting my hand slide down her back and pulling her close. I released her suspended wrist and her arm entwined itself around my neck. Her breaths still came fast but the heat from her body told me it wasn't due to panic. Her free hand slid from my abs to my chest pushing me to do unthinkable things. Minutes passed before we finally broke away our breaths ragged. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Temari and Kankuro waiting with mouths wide open. Miko's eyes stared up at me wide with bewilderment.

"Gaara…"

* * *

What surprised me most about Miko was her complete obliviousness to her prior reactions. She said she had no recollections of us during the previous four months. It was like she had woken up in the garden, noticing me for the first time. In hindsight, it all made sense. The memories that awoke her for each person were the things she associated with them. For Jabari, taking care of her hair and pampering. For Kankuro, his gift of a book triggered her repressed memories. My cheeks flushed thinking of our kiss. I was glad to have her back.

* * *

I was still perplexed by the rush of events that had happened. I was aware of what had transpired while Gaara was gone but the memories after were still patchy. The idea of what Kuro had done to me still made me sick, vulnerable, and depressed but having Gaara and the rest by my side helped alleviate some of the stress.

With one less thing clouding my mind I was finally able to focus on recovering from the trauma, on transforming from the hollow shell I had been for months back to the vibrancy of before. I gently eased back into our routine, helping around the manor every day and spending time with Gaara alone. I still had flashes of my time under Kuro but those began to pass, coming with less and less frequency as the weeks turned to months.

At the sixth month of Gaara's return I slept with him for the first time. I was as nervous as the very first day. When I entered the bedroom Gaara stood from his desk and padded over to me.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked, brushing a stray hair behind my ear.

I nodded, smirking, "Yeah. I've been waiting for this."

He smiled gently and let me wash up for bed. I emerged to find him already under the covers. When he turned to look at me his eyes lit up with his love shining through.

"Yes Gaara?" I asked, slightly teasing him.

He shook his head with a light scoff, "Nothing. Nothing at all."

I climbed in bed and read until my eyes started to fall heavy with sleep. The lights went out and the lightest peck accompanied Gaara's good night and warmth of his arm around my waist helped me drift to sleep.

* * *

Giddiness wash through me nearly every day, knowing that Miko was by my side. The shear bliss of having her in every aspect of my life made me realize that I had truly been suffering alongside her.

The days passed quickly, every moment a second of euphoria even during the most menial of tasks. During the day, we worked and enjoyed small outings while our evenings were spent reading cuddled in bed and sleeping entangled in the warmth of each other's arms. Tonight was no different with the fall of the sun and the rise of the moon bringing our eventful day to a close.

I watched Miko as she lay on her side reading. I could see her chest rise and fall slowly, with the occasional movement to turn a page. I felt a small smile grace my face as joy swelled throughout my body. My Miko was back and our lives could return to some sort of normalcy. I reached out and stroked her hair relishing in its softness. She hummed and flipped the page. I pulled my hand down to her waist and let it rest there. She inhaled sharply and held her breath. I froze, worried I had scared her. I slowly retracted my hand.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I turned out my light and lay back slowly. Things were better but she was still hurting from Kuro. I needed to be patient, an idea easier thought than done.

The room turned black as she also turned off her light. I felt her shift around and tilted my head towards her. My mouth opened in awe. She lay facing me, her frosted hair splayed around her. Her eyes stared at me with a gleam of curiosity, pulling me in. I rolled over to face her when she spoke.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked quietly.

I paused, a bit surprised.

"I didn't want to upset you…"

She tilted her head slightly, "Why would it upset me?"

"I just thought…after everything…" I trailed off. Surely she was still recovering, wasn't she?

"Ah," she smirked, "That."

We sat there staring at each other, the minutes passing. My eyes started to close as the call of sleep overcame me. I felt her shift again when I felt her soft hand on my cheek. My eyes snapped open, fire rushing through my veins. Her touch was electric.

"I'm not made of china," she breathed, her eyes twinkling from the moonlight. She closed the gap and pressed her lips to mine offering sweet reassurances she was ok. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close feeling her lithe body wrap mesh with mine. I felt her smile through our kiss. The heat from her body added to mine making it unbearable but I needed to feel her, to hold her close, to be with her. I wanted to roll over and take her, to feel the same ecstasy as me but part of me knew I needed to hold back and let her lead.

She startled me by pushing her left leg between mine and using her right to flip us so she was on top. I broke the kiss and gasped. Her intensity flooded me awakening the beast. I felt myself harden and she giggled as if teasing me. She sat up, straddling me, her eyes dark with lust. The sight of such a beautiful woman was intoxicating, far better than anything from my dreams. My dark thermal clung to her breasts and draped seductively low. I grabbed her thighs pulling against my hardened length. Her smile tempted me but my curiosity let her stay in control.

She bent down to kiss me again and started unbuttoning my night shirt. She struggled to pull it off my shoulders so I sat up and threw the shirt away. Her eyes burned at the sight of my chest and her fingers splayed to take up as much of the hard pectorals as possible. I growled and she smirked again. I narrowed my eyes at her; she was playing with me.

Miko bit her bottom lip and lowered herself again, this time attacking my jaw and neck. As she dragged her lips across my skin I felt her fiddling with her shorts in an attempt to take them off. The need was too much this time and I flipped her, pinning her under me. The sharp movements must have aroused her for her nipples hardened, standing erect through her shirt. Standing, I yanked off her shorts and was greeted by the sight of black lace contrasting against her pale skin. Dear God, this was too much. Everything I had dreamt seemed weak compared to this. Kneeling I undid my own sleep pants. Miko's eyes watched my hands fumble with the knot. She reached out and deftly undid it for me. I wiggled out of them and tossed them to the floor, revealing my manhood. Her mouth formed a soft o-shape as she lightly sucked in air.

I put my hands on her abdomen and ran my thumbs under the hem of her shirt using them to lift it gently so I could put my hands on her bare stomach. Her belly was warm and soft though I could feel the ripples of her abs underneath. I leaned down to kiss her, more gently this time, asking for permission to continue. Her heated caress was more than enough. I grabbed the band of black lace and pulled them off in one fell swoop. The fine snow down between her legs enticed me and I gently pushed her knees apart.

* * *

Heat rushed through my body. I huffed, gasping for air. His normally pale green eyes were dark with want as he pulled down my underwear. I had bought them shortly after I had finally realized I loved Gaara. That had been what seemed like a lifetime ago, shortly after he left. I snapped back to reality when I felt his hands on my knees. The gentle push asked for permission to my sex and I more than willingly gave in opening my legs. I felt his mouth inch closer and closer, moving down my thigh with quick kisses and my breathing picked up. My body strained in pleasure, arching to get closer. His lips finally reached the end of my thigh but nothing more came. I opened my eyes almost in a panic, needing him to pleasure me. I found his eyes looking up at me as he waited for me to see him. As soon as our sight connected he let loose, his tongue gliding along my lips and sucking my clit.

"Oh god…." I moaned, my voice a mix of lamenting and shouting. I gripped the sheets as his head moved around me, manipulating my body in ways I had never felt. His wide, flat tongue stroked me long and hard, the warm wetness combining with my own. Alternating between his broad strokes and short side to side flicks threatened to kill me, the strong urge building in my core. I threw my head back, the feeling unbearable, and cried out a wordless moan. His hand crept up and gently kneaded my breast while he slid a finger in my wet folds. Every touch, his hand, his tongue, his fingers threatened to send me over the edge. I panted, begging for release. Just as I started to cum he would ease up and let it slow, before building it up again. I ached and ached, the urge tightening in my groin but he slowed again.

"Please," I cried out, "please Gaara. Please." I glanced at him my face begging for him to finish. Again, we made eye contact and he slid a second finger inside me, pumping them in an ever-building pace. His tongue kept up his barrage and I felt myself being pushed to the edge. Every second of torture threatened to end me but I was somehow still alive, enduring his seductive onslaught. His lips closed around my knub and he ravished me in a way I had never felt before. I couldn't contain myself any longer and I moaned as he sent me crashing over the edge. My vision flashed white and my hands snaked their way through his hair, pulling him even closer to me.

That moment felt like hours as he continued to tease my pussy with occasional flicks, dragging my orgasm out longer. I realized I was still panting for air with small whimpers as reality came flooding back. My fingers ached from gripping his hair so tightly. I finally opened my eyes and gazed down at him. He focused on me from under his thick lashes. He crept his way up the bed, placing kissed on my belly, sternum, collar bone, and neck. When he stopped, he was holding himself over me, admiring every aspect of my face. I felt my already hot cheeks flush even more under his intense stare.

"Do you want this?" he asked. I answered by pulling him onto me and into a sensual kiss. Gaara's breathing picked up and he pulled back slightly, aligning his tip with my slit. He eased himself in gently, allowing me to savor each and every inch as he made his way into me. I had had sex before but nothing like this. The servant boys were quick fucks, meant to only satisfy surficial carnal needs; this echoed to deeper callings. My toes curled in response as he finally rested his hips to mine.

I groaned and he began moving, the slow roll of his hips allowing for me to stretch and accommodate his size. His solid erection was the largest I had taken, not overly long but girthier than most. I rocked my hips to meet his and our bodies undulated to a dark desire.

* * *

Miko's wetness slid all around me, its warmth coaxing me to finish. I was intimidated. She clearly had more practice and was expert at moving in ways to bring a man to a hit finish. One hand slid around my bicep while the other slid down my back. She grabbed my ass and pulled me into her forcing me to pick up the pace.

I thrusted harder and deeper needing a release of my own our breaths hot and ragged. She pulled me closer forcing me down onto my elbows as I pushed myself into her. Miko moaned between short breaths, calling me to cum. Our kiss broke and I pushed myself to my knees. Her shirt still covered her but I needed to see all of her. I shoved the shirt up and around her breasts. Her sultry gaze asked for more. I continued to ram into her slick core growing closer and closer to release. The sight of her nakedness nearly undid me as her breast bounced to the rhythm of our lovemaking. I noticed a short bar and charm that pierced her navel. Against the house rules and insanely sexy. I gripped her knees forcing them higher so I could penetrate her deeper, pleasuring her more.

"Gaara…." She begged, her own body close to cumming a second time. Her hand glided down her pale skin and her fingers found her sex. She touched her swollen clit moving from large circles to fast short slides as she quickened her pace. The feeling of her masturbating, jerking so quickly felt too good and pushed me to my breaking point. Her walls clamped around me, tightening and loosening as she called out in pleasure. I pulled out, huffing. I had almost poured my seed inside her, a permission I did not have.

Miko's eyes fixed upon mine asking silently why I had stopped. I answered silently as well and my cock twitched, ready to climax. Her hands grasped my hips and pulled me back into her. Our wordless dance continued and I thrusted faster and faster, her moans and cries cheering me to mark her as my own. I snarled as my pace threatened to break me when my balls tightened against my body and my hot load squirted inside her in thick ropes. I slowed, easing each and every drop out before one final thrust, burying myself as deeply as I could.

For what seemed like hours we lay there the heat subsiding, our breaths slowing, only to be replaced with the chill from our sweat. I rolled off of Miko and pulled her onto my chest. We lay there dozing, breaking the silence with quick kisses. Eventually nature called and we stood. Miko's legs wobbled and I steadied her while leading her to the bathroom. I started a bath and faced her sitting on the edge of the tub. Leaning against the sink for support, her hair was a tussled mess. I let my eyes linger on every aspect of her perfect body from the gentle pale curves of her breast to the white scars on her back and legs. Everything about her was stunning. She glanced up feeling my gaze upon her and she smiled beast growled in approval when he saw the glistening of my seed dripping between her legs. Mine, we said, she was mine.

When the water was warm she put her hair in a bun and we both stepped in and sat, her back resting against my chest. I whispered gentle nothings in her ear, nibbling on the lobe as I washed her. We sat there for ages enjoying each other's bared souls until the water grew cold. We stepped out and dried ourselves before crawling back into bed, our clothes still forgotten on the floor. I lay back with Miko's head resting on my chest. Finally, my dream was a reality, my unspoken love a living one.

"Good night, my love." I sighed and we drifted into a deep slumber.

* * *

I woke to a tickle under my nose, the warmth of Miko's body pressed against me. As I fully woke, my arm was looped around her waist, holding her against me. Flashes of the previously night came flooded my mind, combined with the soft fullness of her ass pressed against my cock aroused me and I felt myself harden. The urge to wake her with soft lovemaking crossed my mind but I knew she was tired and needed the rest.

I drifted in and out of sleep, the sun slowly working its way across the sky. The thought of work briefly flitted by but Miko and bed were much more appealing.

I woke once again but this time to the feeling of gentle caresses on my neck and ear. I turned my head and found Miko gazing at me with a foxy grin. The combination of her kisses and her sly smile aroused me. I opened my mouth to speak when she pulled the covers over her head. I raised my eyebrow curious as to her rustling under the duvet. I started to speak again when I gasped. Miko's soft pink lips covered the tip of my shaft, engulfing me in warmth. Just as quickly as it had started she pulled away. I scoffed in disbelief, her teasing straining my patience.

Her tongue flicked across my shaft, eliciting waves of pleasure. Miko's long strokes covered me from base to tip and back down. I felt her hand grasp me, leading me into her mouth. As she sucked, bobbing her head up and down, she gripped and pumped my rock-hard cock. Her spit slickened her clutch allowing her to speed up. Her ministrations drew me closer and closer to finish when she stopped.

I sat up growling, flinging back the covers exposing her sexual den. I grabbed her roughly by the arms, pulling her up to me, crushing my mouth against hers. Her squeak satisfied me, letting me know I was in control. As I finished ravishing her mouth I flipped her, letting her back face me and forced her down to lay on her side. I wound my arm under her letting my hand gently fasten on her throat. With her spooning against I guided my raging hard-on inside her slick folds evoking a long moan. I began my escapade with soft thrusts, cheeks flushed, my breathing just barely level.

From my vantage point behind her I could see her mouth open, eyes scrunched shut, and cheeks flushed as I filled her. Her euphoria afflicted my own and brought me closer to the edge. Using my free hand, I dragged my fingers across her hips and sensitive groin as I reached down to massage her mound. Miko's cries encouraged me to continue. I knew she was close as her whimpers turned to long exclamations. As much as I wanted to finish her right then and there I held out, waiting for the words I needed to hear.

Before long Miko was calling out, "Gaara! Please Gaara…"

I gave one hard thrust. "Yes? What do want?"

"Please," she said, drawing out the word as I refused to move.

"Say it…" I growled.

"Give it to me…" she pleaded, "I want you."

I slammed my hard dick into her again and hastily picked up the pace. Each push brought us both closer to completion though I very clearly had the upper hand, manipulating her swollen clit. Fearing I would cum before her I, redoubled my efforts and teased her to the brink of insanity. Her breathing hitched as she began to round the mountain of ecstasy before turning into a guttural, almost painful cry as wave after wave of her orgasm overcame her. The feeling of her pussy massaging me pulled me over the edge with her and I planted myself inside her whilst calling her name.

I suckled her neck as I came off my high, feeling her body twitch at each movement. We lay entwined for ages, savoring the simplicity and quietness after our back to back antics. I slid out of her and she turned to face me with a tired smile.

"We're never going to sleep again, are we?" she sighed laughingly.

"Yes indeed Miko, yes indeed."

* * *

WOOOOOOO! Finally managed to finish that. There is still more but I'm thinking of starting a new story so my name will be split between two different stories. This is my first lemon so please review; I appreciate the tips! Thanks for sticking around!


End file.
